The Struggles Of Having An Ex That Won’t Go Away

The Struggles Of Having An Ex That Won’t Go Away ©iStock/iascic

In a perfect world, our exes would just disappear once the relationship is over so we could move on. But we live in the real world, and sometimes that just doesn’t happen. It could be because he lives in the same city or because you run in the same social circles, or maybe it’s because he’s not over it and is trying to win you back. In the worst case scenario, you’re still living together after a breakup — ugh. Here are 10 struggles of having an ex that won’t go away:

  1. You had to break up with him multiple times. You thought the first time would seal the deal and you could both go your separate ways, but then he kept texting you and begging for another chance, and you had to repeat yourself again. You’ve basically had to break up several times when the first time should have worked.
  2. You still have the same fights every time you see each other. Breaking up should end the fights, but sadly they still bubble up sometimes when you see each other. Instead of enjoying being single, you feel like you’re still dealing with a damaged relationship… and all because your ex isn’t getting the hint that it’s over.
  3. Other people think his persistence is romantic. In movies, after a breakup, the couple tends to get back together after the guy pulls some over-the-top romantic gesture. In real life, if you want to move on from a relationship, you should be allowed to do that without being guilt tripped about it. Your friends and colleagues might think it’s sweet, but they should really understand how uncomfortable and invasive his inability to take no for an answer really is.
  4. People think you’re lucky to have someone who cares so much about you. This might be the worst, because it essentially means people think you’re lying when you say your ex is doing too much or tell you how grateful you should be to have a guy who cares so much. Maybe they’re friends with him, too, so they don’t want to believe it, or they think you’re secretly giving him false hopes. Either way, turn to more supportive people to help you through it.
  5. You don’t feel like you’re really allowed to move on. If your ex is always around, you don’t feel like you’re allowed to deal with your feelings from the breakup. You especially don’t feel like you can go out and flirt if you’re ready. It’s a weird position to be in since the relationship is done, but you’re being prevented from moving forward like normal.
  6. You feel like you’re losing your friends. Sometimes friends want to pretend like nothing has changed and will invite you and your ex to the same outings. Now you have to debate between seeing your ex and things being awkward or not going and missing out on hanging with your squad. If this happens, try to let your friends know you just need time and plan your own time alone with them. If they don’t get that, then they aren’t your real friends.
  7. People assume you’re secretly still dating or that the breakup isn’t permanent. Because your ex seems to always be around, it still looks like you two are still together. It’s incredibly awkward and frustrating, and it might even ruin your chances of meeting someone new. Try to find new places to go out if you both happen to like going to same spots.
  8. Sometimes you actually second guess your decision to leave him. The problem with your ex constantly telling you that you two were meant to be together is that you start to wonder if it’s true, especially if there’s no one else really knocking at your door for a date. If you know you broke up for a reason, then don’t question your decision. There is no reason you should settle.
  9. Your phone gets blown up to the point you might actually change your number. It’s an inconvenience, sure, but many people switch numbers after a breakup because an ex couldn’t let things go. Having texts come in nonstop from the last person you want to talk to gets old really quickly.
  10. You know it sounds immature, but you’re thinking of blocking him on your social media accounts. It may feel drastic, but if your ex is being really inappropriate, then it could be necessary. You have the right to go online and not be bombarded by someone all the time. If you feel like you need to block your ex, do it!
Nicole Weaver is a staff writer for YourTango and regularly contributes to Hollywood, The Bolde, and Proud2BMe. She is a lover of all things entertainment meaning she spends most of her nights in New York binge watching television shows. Follow her on Twitter at @nikkibernice.