Bad Lighting & Tight Spaces: The Struggles Of Having Shower Sex

In the movies, shower sex looks like a steamy way to get intimate with your partner. In reality, the experience isn’t all that exciting. In fact, it’s just plain dangerous. You could end up breaking a leg, banging your head, or getting soap in all of the wrong places. That’s why shower sex shouldn’t actually be on your bucket list. It’s full of struggles.

  1. You’ll fight over the temperature. You like hot showers, but your boyfriend only takes cold ones. That means you’re going to spend fifty percent of your time in the bathroom fighting over the temperature of the water. There’s nothing sexy about that.
  2. You’ll be stuck in one sex position. There aren’t all that many sex positions that a man and woman can use in the shower. Basically, you’re going to have to find a way to place your hands against the wall without letting them slip. Good luck with that.
  3. You’ll get water in your mouth. It doesn’t matter if you’re kissing him on the lips or below the belt. Either way, you’ll end up with water in your mouth. And your eyes. And your nose. Basically, it’s going to be hard to breathe.
  4. Your vagina will dry out. You’d think that it would be easier for women to have sex in the shower, but you would be wrong. That water takes away a lady’s natural lubrication, which means she’ll actually be pretty dry down there. That’s why you should bring along some lube if you want to engage in pain-free sex.
  5. You won’t actually get clean. No one actually shampoos or shaves when they hop into the shower with their partner. Do you really want him to see you spread your legs to remove that stubble? No way. That’s why you’ll let him lather you up with some soap, and that’s about it.
  6. Your makeup will run. If you forget to remove your makeup, your mascara will make marks down your face. Even if your hair looks full and fabulous before you have sex, it’s going to look flat and tangled by the time you’re finished. Unfortunately, water wipes away some of your beauty.
  7. You’ll be underneath bad lighting. Bathrooms are notorious for their bad lighting. Even though you want to look your best during sex, that’s not going to happen when you do it in the shower. That’s why you should probably hold off on shower sex until you’ve been with your boyfriend for a while and are completely comfortable with him seeing you at your messiest.
  8. Your height difference will create weird angles. When you’re banging on the bed, you can crawl around to angle yourselves properly. Of course, when you’re standing upright, that’s impossible. If you’re a few inches taller or shorter than your man, you two are going to have a problem getting tab A into slot B.
  9. You’ll risk slipping. Even a shower mat won’t be able to save you during shower sex. After all, they can get just as slippery as the tub itself. You can’t expect your partner to catch you, either, because they might be the one who caused you to slip and fall in the first place.
  10. You’ll be stuck in a tight space. Unless you live in the lap of luxury, your shower isn’t meant to fit two people. That’s why you’ll risk bumping your elbows, knees, and heads against the wall. If you’re not careful, you could even end up getting tangled in the shower curtain.
Holly Riordan is a writer from Long Island, New York who has authored several science fiction and horror books. A graduate of Stony Brook University, she has spent nearly a decade writing for publications including Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Teen Vogue, and more. You can find her on Instagram @hollyrio and Twitter @hollyyrio.