The Struggles Of Wanting Someone You Know You Can Never Have

We all have that one person we consider the Great Could Have Been. You have undeniable chemistry with them, but there’s always something keeping you from being together — and despite all of your efforts, you know that deep down that it’s really not meant to be. Of course, that doesn’t keep you from wanting them — and you really, seriously do. Here are 10 struggles of having feelings for someone you can never be with:

  1. The reasons you can’t be together are totally out of your control. As the old saying goes, sometimes love just isn’t enough. The reason (or reasons) you can’t be together have nothing to do with how you actually feel for each other and everything to do with outside factors that neither of you can change. Maybe you live in different states (or countries); maybe one of you has dated the other’s friend or family member. Whatever it is, it’s impossible and disheartening to deal with.
  2. It’s a never-ending battle of head versus heart. You constantly go back and forth between whether you should be with them or not. Love can be tough sometimes, but it shouldn’t be this hard. When it’s meant to be, it should come naturally. It shouldn’t require a constant juggling or changing of parts of your lives to have even a chance of working. You know logically that it can’t work but your heart really, really wishes it could. Ugh.
  3. You know you’d be settling for less if you choose to be with them. There might be a way to kinda sorta make things work if you just HAD to be together, but you know to make that work, one or both of you would have to make some major concessions that might be not only impossible to live with, but that would make you both miserable in the end. You should never have to compromise your happiness for someone else. You deserve to have the things you want in a relationship.
  4. They make it impossible for you to date other people. As much as you’d like to move on, it’s hard to pursue someone else or even make an attempt at dating when you’re still thinking about the person that you really want to be with. You can’t move on to another chapter when you’re still stuck on the last page. You know you need to find someone you can actually have a relationship with, but damn, it’s hard.
  5. Spending time with them just makes it worse. You go against your good judgment and end up seeing them again, but it just makes it ten times worse. You legitimately enjoy their company, but you also know that the relationship won’t go anywhere — in fact, it won’t ever actually be a real relationship. Why waste your time and put yourself through the pain of spending time with them when you know it won’t work?
  6. You can’t imagine your future without them even though you know they can’t be in it. Thinking long-term is depressing as hell when you see them in all of your future plans yet know they can never actually be part of them. Your life can’t include them in all the ways you want, but it’s hard to think of life without them. It’s a vicious circle.
  7. You know there’s an expiration date. You know that you’ll eventually have to move on from one another and start living in the real world but you’re not ready to face that reality yet. You might try to stay in contact for now and vow to just be friends, but the connection is just too strong and staying in touch just makes things way more complicated and painful. You try to avoid the inevitable but you know you can’t do that forever.
  8. You’re always anxious about the end. You’re living in fear and are never sure of whether today will be the day that one of you finally breaks and decides that enough is enough. Sometimes you wish they would be the one to move on first so that you have no choice but to follow suit. Mostly, however, you’re clinging to the connection you have and are scared to hell about losing it.
  9. There’s never a good way to end it. No matter how you cut it, it will always be painful. It’s a bittersweet feeling of sadness and relief. You know you’d be doing the right thing by letting them go, but you also know that you’ll probably always miss them. WTF?
  10. Someone always gets hurt. It’s never easy for either party. Whether it’s a mutual agreement or a horrible fight full of accusations and disappointments, someone usually gets hurt in the end. Sometimes, you just have to rip off the band-aid and let yourself heal. You’ll eventually find someone you connect with just as much and you won’t have to fight so hard to make it work.
Lindsey is a Digital Advertising Professional and Freelance Writer based in New York City. In her spare time, she enjoys running, traveling, and drinking ridiculous amounts of coffee. Follow her on Twitter @lindseyruns