Do you pride yourself on being eternally informed and believe that you always have the answers, whatever the question? Do you absolutely detest being proven wrong or coming off like you don’t know what you’re talking about? I know I do. If this sounds like you, you’ll relate to these things.
We start out with great intentions but it goes downhill from there.
We’ve done our homework. We’ve researched, we’ve reflected, we’ve considered—we know why we feel the way that we do and we approach most conversations with intentions of having an honest, open and meaningful dialogue. From a conversation with our partner about his incurable habit of leaving the toilet seat up when he uses our bathroom to a discussion about divisive political issues among friends, our intentions are to engage in a dialogue that leads to understanding.
We’re passionate because we believe in what we’re saying but it comes off as overbearing/rude.
We believe in what we’re saying because we’re thoughtful, smart women. When someone asks us to justify our position, we’re ready because we’re articulate and quick and don’t back down from a debate. We excelled at high school debate team for these exact reasons. However, as we’ve grown older, it’s been hard to acknowledge that our lives aren’t debate team and our friends and family aren’t our opponents.
We argue for the sake of arguing.
This tends to happen a lot. We start out meaning to just have a laid-back conversation but it always gets heated, especially when someone tries to tell us that we’re wrong. Before we know it, voices are raised, indignation comes out, and we’re losing our cool.
Everything’s a competition.
Even when the conversation is about something stupid like Friends trivia or which fast food chain has the best french fries, we just have to be right. If someone else is right, we’ll have to one-up them or point out a fact they left out. It’s obnoxious and a terrible habit but it’s like we just can’t stop ourselves.
We want the last word.
We take a position and we stick to it. We’re stubborn and no one can convince us to back down. We don’t mean to be so hard-headed but we can’t stop ourselves. It’s like we feel if we back down, we’ll look stupid or weak.
We take ourselves way too seriously.
It’s not like we don’t know we’re being unreasonable and over the top when we’re arguing about what the best Spice Girls single was, it’s just that we pride ourselves on our knowledge and not knowing something makes us feel like failures. Because of this, we take everything way too seriously and have a hard time calming TF down and chilling out.
Actually being wrong sends us into a spiral of depression and anger.
We like to come prepared for any type of conversation on any topic, so when we don’t know something or we think we do and we’re proven wrong, it sucks. REALLY sucks. The truth is, we know that we don’t know everything and that we’re not always going to be right… we just don’t like it. AT ALL.
We need a little perspective sometimes.
Perspective can come from anywhere but it requires a bit of self-reflection and an ability to stop talking, listen to the other side and consider whether anything we previously believed has changed. That’s what eventually grants us some humility and allows us to understand and respect other people way more.
We need friends that will reign us in.
At the core of it, gals like us need friends who will look at us and say, “I love you but please stop.” The best friendships that we’ve had are with people who know that we hate being wrong, accept that we’re know-it-alls and aren’t afraid to tell me when we need to shut up and relax. It takes a special breed of friend to do it, but we rely on it for our own sanity.
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