He brings you coffee when you’re hungover, he’s met your sister, and he stays at your place twice a week and you think you might be starting to really fall for him. It all seems to be going so well, but then all of a sudden you realize: you actually have no idea what you mean to him. Are you his girlfriend or just his girl friend? Here are some signs you’re somewhere in between.
He says he’s “not into labels.” If you’ve been brave enough to ask the dreaded “what are we” question, each time you bring it up, he seems to weasel his way out of calling you his girlfriend. He’ll tell you that he’s “not into labels,” “not in the right place” to have a girlfriend or enjoys the fact that there’s “no pressure” on you guys. He seems to simultaneously tell you everything you want to hear and avoid the one question you asked him.
You’re nowhere to be seen on his social media. Your Instagram is full of pictures of you out for food together, at the bar, or chilling together at home, but his profile seems to be missing any pictures of the two of you together. In fact, there are no pictures of you at all. His Facebook relationship status is hidden or still on single and you can’t remember the last time a video of you two went on his Snapchat story. If he’s a big social media user, this should immediately be a red flag. You’re amazing and he should be showing you off every chance he gets—why is he keeping your relationship hidden?
You’ve never met his friends. Your guy is at your apartment so often that he has private jokes with your roommate and he comes to dinner with your college friends when they’re in town. You love introducing him to your friends, but when the tables are turned, the always has some kind of excuse. You’ve lost count of the number of times he’s said he’s on a guys’ night and there’s not even a chance of a double date with him and his roommate’s girlfriend. Either his friends are really boring and never venture outdoors or he’s keeping you away from them.
Even your BFFs don’t seem to know what’s going on with you two. Your friends who have met him always ask what’s going on with your relationship and you never have a clear answer to offer them. The question has been asked so many times that you’ve started to see disapproval—or worse, pity!—in their eyes. It’s beginning to drive you crazy.
He’s very private about his phone. He seems to always check his phone at an angle so you can’t quite see the screen and he won’t even leave the device alone in the same room as you. You’re happy to respect his boundaries and would never ask for his passcode, but he seems to be more protective of his phone than anyone you’ve dated before. Could he be sneakily checking dating apps?
He refuses to take you to any work events. He tells you about his work, his future ambitions and the tough days he has all the time, but won’t let you near anyone who actually works with him. Christmas parties, summers events, and even casual drinks after work seem like a no-go area for you. He’ll always happily meet you out afterward and claims that he’s saving you from the boredom of having to deal with his colleagues, but it’s getting to the point where it would be nice to meet the people who spend all day with him. What gives?
Any talk of the future is a no-no. He gets uncomfortable when you talk about getting tickets to a festival in the summer but is happy to go to a gig with you a month from now. He goes quiet if you mention taking a holiday together, and you can forget bringing in any kind of discussion about life milestones. It feels as though when he thinks about the future, he doesn’t picture you.
He keeps you away from his family. You know all about his family. He’s bared his soul to you about how his parents’ divorce affected him or his sister’s health issues in your late night heart-to-hearts, but any chance of meeting his family is even smaller than meeting his friends. Every time they’re in town, they’re all having an “intimate family meal” that you’re not invited to, and he claims that he never gets plus-ones for weddings or parties. You’re beginning to feel like you’re missing out on a massive part of who he is. You have no idea if his family even know you exist.
He tells you exactly what you want to hear when you challenge him, except for actually calling you his girlfriend. “You’re my girl. I need you. I would never do anything to upset you.” You’ve heard it all before from him. Well, all of it except the one things you’re looking for: a proper label.
Enough is enough! Relationship limbo is never a healthy place for a relationship to flourish. Your love interest has choreographed events so you’re never properly ingrained into his life, leaving you in a situation where you can be easily dropped. Beat him to it and say goodbye now.
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