Just because you want to find someone and fall in love doesn’t mean you’re actually ready to. Here are a few signs you’re showing that indicate you might need to slow down and wait awhile before seeking a partner.
- You talk about how much you miss your ex. This is an obvious one. If you’re talking about missing your ex with anyone—friends, a potential partner, your cat, even your reflection in the mirror—you clearly haven’t moved on. And if you haven’t moved on, you definitely aren’t ready to fall in love with someone new.
- You talk about how much you don’t miss your ex. Yes, you may think that hating your ex means you’ve already moved on, but all it’s proving is that you can’t stop thinking about them, which means you’re still not over them. Even if you despise your ex and wouldn’t go back to them if your life depended on it, talking about them in any way shows that you just aren’t ready for a new person in your life.
- You treat everyone like a rebound. There’s no shame in a rebound. In fact, they can be extremely helpful for getting over a recent breakup. However, if you think you’re ready to fall in love and yet continue to act as if everyone you sleep with or go out with is just a means to getting over previous heartbreak, you’re clearly proving to yourself through your actions that you aren’t ready to take the leap and fall in love.
- You can’t commit to anyone. Some people have a hard time committing to serious relationships even at the best of times, but if you’re noticing that you keep trying to slow things down or end them even when everything seems to be going well, your subconscious is probably just trying to signal to you that you just aren’t ready for anything serious right now.
- Your feelings about the person you’re with change by the hour. It’s normal to have doubts in any relationship, but there’s a limit. Being unable to feel a single solid emotion about the person you’re with for more than a few hours or days at a time is a huge red flag that you probably shouldn’t be in that relationship right now. Even if you have moments of feeling in love with that person, the feelings of ambiguity or claustrophobia that follow are far more revealing.
- You have a hard time loving yourself. It’s the biggest cliché of all, but it exists for a reason: you can’t begin to love someone else without loving yourself first. If you don’t love yourself, you won’t know what you deserve and you’ll seek love from others as validation. In order to love someone in the truest way, you have to know your worth and understand exactly why you deserve all the love in the world in the first place.
- Every time you talk about love, you feel bitter. If you want to fall in love and have it stick, you need to start from square one, not way behind it. Difficult breakups can leave you jaded and cynical, but while it may feel like those scars will last forever, if you give them time to heal, they’ll fade. Trying to fall in love in order to heal a broken heart will never lead to happiness. Make your way back to a place of openness rather than hurt and then see if you’re ready.
- You actively avoid being vulnerable. Opening up and being vulnerable is one of the first steps to falling in love. If you keep changing the subject whenever someone tries to learn a little more about you, ask yourself why it’s so difficult for you to be open with them. Not wanting anyone to get close is a sign that you have some work to do with yourself before you can fall in love with anyone.
- You back out of plans all the time. You may think you’re invested in someone and ready to fall madly in love with them, but if you can’t stick to a dinner date or some weekend plans to save your life, you should pay more attention to what your actions are telling you. Avoiding spending time with someone is a dead giveaway that you’re not ready for whatever it is that they’re offering.
- You feel clingy. Lack of consistency and vulnerability are obvious signs that you’re not ready to fall in love, but so is obsessive affection. Feeling insecure and lonely whenever you’re not with the person you’re dating is a big indication that you aren’t comfortable with yourself. And as noted above, you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself.
