I’m Such A Terrible Flirt That It’s No Wonder I’m Single AF

I complain a lot about the fact that guys never approach me, but there’s another problem in my dating life. When a man finally shows interest, I’m so surprised and flustered that I absolutely bomb the interaction. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m the worst flirt in the world. Here are some of the issues that contribute to my ever-single status:

  1. I get super shy around guys I actually like. I’m talking ridiculously tongue-tied. In my everyday life, I’m often the person easily making conversation with everyone. I’m always good for a witty joke or a bantering interaction. As soon as I’m attracted to someone, though, all of that confidence goes out the window. Suddenly I’m red-faced and stammering. I don’t know what to say or do. What’s wrong with me?
  2. I can barely make eye contact. Somehow I think if I look directly into his eyes, he’ll see that I like him! I can’t let him see that I like him! It’s childish but my instinct is to look anywhere but in his eyes. Of course, this naturally leads the guy in question to believe that I’m not interested in the least when the opposite is true. I torpedo the flirting before it even begins.
  3. I’m awkward AF. In addition to the fact that I cannot for the life of me look into his beautiful sparkly eyes, I also get twitchy and restless. I can’t sit still and I’m hyper-aware of how I appear with every single move I make. I keep telling myself to act like a normal human being but it’s not happening.
  4. I run away when a guy tries to talk to me. I mean this as a literal fact. I have legitimately run away when men tried to speak to me. I don’t know what is happening in my life that I cannot speak normally to a guy I find attractive. Just recently, I had an interaction with a guy who was super sweet and just making conversation as I was about to leave. I actually said, as he was trying to be flirty, “Bye, have a good one!” and ran onto a bus. What?
  5. I can’t act like myself because I’m nervous. I’ve had anxiety issues my entire life and they definitely come into play when I talk to attractive men. I get super nervous and do all kinds of weird stuff I would never do otherwise, like laugh excessively and pretend I’m someone I’m not. I lose all confidence in who I actually am and let the anxiety take over — trust me, it never works.
  6. I say ridiculous stuff that makes no sense. I totally go off the deep end when I’m trying to flirt. Suddenly all my jokes are lame as hell and I’m overcompensating by saying the most random stuff. I’m totally not myself and my dating life definitely suffers for it. I’ll never know if they’d like the real me or not because she doesn’t show up.
  7. I have no game, period. Confidence does me no good if I only have it when I’m single! I hate dating — and flirting — because I don’t know how to maintain my self-esteem when confronted with the possibility of rejection. Maybe my brain somehow twists itself to make me fail, because that way I don’t have to be rejected instead. I’ve never been good at playing the game and it’s not getting any better.
  8. I can never tell when a guy is flirting. It’s pretty hard to flirt if I don’t even recognize flirting when I see it. How can I do it when I don’t know what it looks like? I either realize the guy was hitting on me after the fact or not at all. Who knows how many men have hit on me while I wandered on completely unaware? Most of the time I also figure he’s just being friendly and I’ll look like a dummy if I flirt.
  9. I legitimately get sweaty when I try to flirt. My anxiety affects me in all kinds of ways. I don’t just get clammy hands when I’m nervous — I get sweaty all over. It’s terrible. I’m too embarrassed to tell you how many times I’ve walked away from an interaction with an attractive man and had to check myself for armpit stains. It’s super weird. I get smelly and sweaty and gross and all I was doing was talking. I’m a mess!
  10. Every time I do try to flirt in my sad way, I get shut down. I mean, can you blame the guys? They probably don’t know what the hell is going on. I’m certainly not a good flirt, so they probably assume I’m a weirdo or simply not interested in that way. The worst is that when I think I’m simply being friendly, guys feel the need to tell me they have girlfriends! That’s when I’m just making conversation. Obviously I have no idea how I come across, so maybe I should just stop trying at all.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.