When I graduated from college, I found myself in one of the worst financial positions I’ve ever been in. I was saddled with student loan debt and couldn’t get a job. My dad had been laid off and I didn’t feel right about moving back home and adding to my parents’ stress, so I got a sugar daddy and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.
I went into it with eyes wide open.
Most of you reading this know little to nothing about relationships between sugar babies and sugar daddies beyond hearsay. I was like you at one point, but then I did my research and educated myself. I’m not one of those girls that went in blind and got taken advantage of. I put myself in the best position to get exactly what I wanted, and I’m proud to say that I did. I am not a victim—I’m a strong woman who made a choice and found a man to support and facilitate that choice.
I chose the type of arrangement I was comfortable with.
I know you’re thinking about sex and how you’d never sleep with a wrinkled guy, especially for money. I’m with you on that. I didn’t and wouldn’t but I don’t judge people that do. Part of being a sugar baby is entering into a mutually beneficial arrangement. You have to know what your limits are and what the financial compensation for them might be. When people imagine that I had nonstop sex with a wrinkled 70-year-old man for months on end, they’re wrong. My arrangement involved me making appearances and going on regular dates. Nothing physical happened beyond a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
I chose the kind of guy I would be comfortable with.
I don’t mean physically, but personality wise. Here’s the thing, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Most older men are set in their ways. If you pick a guy that’s got a lousy personality or it too handsy, then you’ll be miserable. I made sure I picked a guy whose character gelled well with mine. That meant someone a little more introverted who was into relaxed evenings. That made my time with him easier.
I made sure the incentive was worth it.
This is huge for me. Far too many women don’t do their research and go in with no point of reference. Next thing they know, they’re doing more than they want to for less than they want to. The only way to make your time as a sugar baby work is to make sure the incentive is worth it. I took the time to think about what I wanted, then I found the right man that could give it to me. It wasn’t easy, but it made my time a lot more enjoyable.
I found a support system.
A lot of girls try to keep their sugar daddies a secret from everyone. I understand that there’s a serious stigma associated with it, but you have to confide in someone. Being a sugar baby can get difficult. You have to be “on” every time you meet because that’s part of the deal. It’s nice to have someone to vent to, someone to encourage you to keep going.
I had a financial goal and a deadline in mind.
I’m not the type of girl that got sucked into the life. I think that’s where a lot of the sad stories come from. Some girls get used to the easy money, but the sugar daddy lifestyle isn’t for the long haul. Most guys will move on to someone else, and when this happens, a lot of girls find themselves accepting offers from horrible men. When I negotiated my arrangement with my sugar daddy, I made sure to ask for an amount of money that wouldn’t keep me in the game too long. I never compromised on this number, and eight months later, I walked away happier and financially better off.
I learned a lot about dating out of my comfort zone.
What I had with my sugar daddy wasn’t a relationship but an arrangement. Let’s make that clear. Having said that, spending time with someone so different taught me that I’d been too closed off in my dating life. Now, I give all kinds of men a shot. I threw out my list of what my future husband should be a long time ago because I learned that sometimes the things you want come in a package you didn’t expect.
I learned a lot about life from the older man I was with.
Some people like to pretend that being with an older man isn’t any different from being with a younger man. They’re liars. It’s totally different. One thing a lot of older guys have is a significant amount of life experience. Most sugar daddies are well off, so if you’re interested in actually learning from them, you can get a lot of insight into how business works. I was super interested, and I can honestly attribute some of my current success to things I learned from my sugar daddy.
I learned to be grateful for everything I had.
Some people reading this will think that I was super depressed the entire time. I wasn’t. Being with a sugar daddy wouldn’t have been my first choice, and it’s not like I didn’t have other options. I chose that arrangement and it taught me to be grateful for the things that were going right in my life. Was it all fun and games? No. Sometimes I had to psych myself to head to a dinner or a coffee date, but I learned that life isn’t fair, and so you have to cherish the things that are right because you never know when they’ll be gone.
I never sold myself.
This is more than a matter of semantics. I never once sold myself, sexually or otherwise. Everything I did was part of an upfront barter. The men that tried to establish relationships with me got weeded out. So did those that wanted to withhold information from me. I went into an agreement that I was comfortable with. That’s why I can proudly say that I did have a sugar daddy in my early twenties. No one forced me into it, and I got a lot out of the arrangement. The end.
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