I’m Pretty Sure My Boyfriend Is “The One” But I Won’t Tell Him (Or Anyone Else) That

After an incredible few months with a guy who just might be “The One,” I’ve never felt so certain that my days of flirty bar-side conversations and strategically-placed necklines have come to an end—so why am I so scared to admit it?

I don’t want to jinx our relationship.

I’m not crazy superstitious, but I don’t want to give the universe reason to retract its good karma. I have a tendency to get overly excited about a lot of things, especially relationships, and often let my optimism get the better of me. However, I’m worried that shouting my good news from the rooftops will ultimately doom our relationship and I’ll have no one to blame but myself (and dumb bad luck).

I don’t know if he feels the same way about me. 

It takes two to go the distance. Picking up good vibes is one thing, but having complete confidence in another human being is a whole other can of worms. I might be head-over-heels in love but he may not feel the same way. I don’t want to make a fool of myself by telling everyone we’re crazy in love when he’s been looking for a way out since I revealed I’ve never seen Star Wars.

I thought I felt this way before.

Isn’t this how everyone feels at the beginning of a new relationship? The honeymoon period hasn’t quite worn off, we’ve had few if any arguments and our sex game is still flaming hot. Maybe what I’m experiencing is typical of early-stage relationships. Maybe this guy is starting off like all the others and will eventually end as they did. I don’t trust myself with this kind of certainty.

I’ve never had a relationship that didn’t end.

I know, I know, something’s gotta stick at some point, but at 23, aren’t I a bit young for that? I can’t help but anticipate the end of my relationship while it’s still so amazing because breakups and broken hearts are all I’ve known. Sadly, so many of the great memories I’ve made with this guy are tainted by a perpetual stream of what ifs. I may be blindly optimistic, but I can also quickly fall into an anxious spiral of worst-case scenarios.

I’m afraid people will think I’m crazy.

Because I always think people who speak with this much conviction about their relationships—especially new ones—are insane. Ironic, right? I know I shouldn’t be so concerned with what others think, but it’s hard to shrug off the opinions of friends and family members when they actually mean a lot. I’m not just hesitant to reveal my true feelings, I’m afraid to receive the honest truth I don’t want to hear.

What is “The One,” anyway?

The one I marry? The one I have children with? The one who remembers my birthday? The one who texts me back within a two-hour window? The term is so vague and since I can’t define it, I’m not really sure I have it. And if I have it now, surely I’ve had it before and will again.

Can’t a person have more than one “The One”? 

I’ve seen happy couples break up because of distance, change of circumstance, or religious differences. Most of them have found love again—a love that works for whatever stage of life they find themselves in. Hell, this has even happened to me. If happiness exists in multiple relationships, maybe it’s possible to have several “One”s in a lifetime.

I think I’m just guarding my heart.

It’s possible that all of this anxiety stems from the fact that I’m just bracing myself for the worst because I so desperately want to keep this good thing I have going. It’s as if claiming my relationship is this huge, permanent, amazing thing worth telling the world about will just make it that much harder if it comes to an end.

So, now what?

If this is the real deal, spending the rest of my life with one guy is a little intimidating. Announcing I’ve found “The One” feels a little like forbidding myself to change my mind. If things keep going great, he could be the one I marry and experience so many important life milestones with. Until then, I think I’ll keep my certainty under wraps… or at least keep it within the pages of my diary.

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