Modern dating can sometimes feel like the equivalent of getting a tooth pulled without anesthetic. Of course, there is always the option to avoid dating completely, which I did for a while until I realized there’s no fun in that. Instead of sitting on the bench avoiding the game altogether, it’s high time I got up, got out of the house, and start to embrace the BS that is dating in today’s society. I highly recommend it.
I don’t take anyone too seriously. Whether it’s the guy I’m dating or myself, there’s just no point in taking any of it too seriously. All these guys I seem to match with on an app or get introduced to sure as hell aren’t taking me seriously, so there’s really no point in giving them more than I’m getting. Until someone steps it up and proves to me that they’re truly interested in seeing where things can go, they might as well be a number in line.
I recognize and reward when someone is making a genuine effort. On the flip side, I make sure to realize and appreciate when someone is making a genuine effort to spend quality time with me and get to know me on a deeper level than what I look like naked. If he’s going to put in that effort and I enjoy his company, then he’s going to jump to number one fast because quality guys are few and far between.
I have fun with it. Dating is supposed to be a good time, so why is it that it’s become this pressure-filled anxiety in our lives? Of course, every guy I meet could end up being my unicorn, but looking at it that way isn’t just hurting me, it’s putting far too much stock into a person I barely know. Until someone boards the train to boyfriend town, I’m going to look at him like a stranger I can have fun with. That’s the only way to keep myself from getting worked up over nothing.
I know the signs and I look out for them. Things such as ghosting, breadcrumbing, negging and all those other new ways we have to blow someone off are exhaustingly rampant. But, if I can educate myself enough to know what to look out for, it’ll be a whole lost easier to realize when it’s happening to me. The good news is, if I’ve managed to keep it light and have fun, then if I do get ghosted by that guy I thought was decent, I’m not going to feel a damn thing about it.
I stick to my guns. Just because people are getting it on in the bathroom at the bar after meeting online doesn’t mean that I have to do it too. I’m not judging anyone who enjoys casual sex, but I’m a hopeless romantic, so adjusting my version of romance to suit today’s casual sex epidemic isn’t going to work for me. It may make it harder to find “The One,” but when it does finally happen, I won’t have even a flicker of uncertainty about it.
I don’t date for the sake of it. I’m not sure about anyone else, but I’m the type of person that gets very stressed out about dates. The anxiety leading up to it, the overthinking that follows because he didn’t kiss me goodnight. It’s exhausting. Stress is unhealthy and I’ve literally made myself sick over stressors in my life so I won’t be doing it anymore. I know what I’m looking for and I’m tired of searching so I’m going to let something happen naturally while I live my best life.
I know the difference between a good and bad guy. There’s a huge difference between a decent guy and a guy who’s just good at pretending to be decent. It took me a long time to be able to tell the two apart. A lot of guys out there are stuck in a ‘grass is greener’ mentality because of how easily attainable it is to find dates. One right swipe and there’s a new woman just waiting for their message. Now that I know the difference between the two, though, I can tell if the guy is even worth the time it takes to message a funny gif.
I don’t get hung up on old-fashioned ideas of “dating” anymore. Does Netflix and Chill count or do I have to actually get picked up at my door and go someplace we can sit down and talk? Truth is, it doesn’t really matter to me what I do on these dates because quality time is quality time, no matter how it’s done. In fact, I’m more comfortable doing the whole Netflix at home date because a) it’s basically the same as going to the movie theaters and b) there’s a level of anxiety-calming comfort to it that makes it easier for me to be myself. The point is, if we’re spending time together, I’m counting it as a date and you should too.
I get what modern day chivalry looks like. I’m not oblivious to the fact that he’s not going to show up on a horse with a huge bouquet of roses and whisk me off my feet to Neverland for a picnic in the stars. It’s just not going to happen. Still, just because the epitome of what used to appear romantic in Disney films isn’t present doesn’t mean there’s no romance at all. A lingering gaze, an attentive attitude, and a kind demeanor can all be constituted as romance — especially in today’s IDGAF arena. The only issue is paying attention when it’s happening instead of wondering where all the over-the-top gestures are.
I plan to find someone who’s tired of the BS too so we can embrace it together. Once I find a guy who’s tired of the same old BS that I am, I’ll know it’s time to stop looking. Then, together, we can embrace what it means to be a couple in today’s day and age. It’s as simple as that.
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