I Take Care Of Others Better Than I Take Care Of Myself & I’m Over It

Whether or not you believe in the zodiac, I’m a classic Virgo. One of the most dominant Virgo traits of mine is that I tend to take care of other people better than I do myself. Though there are a lot of positives to possessing this quality, I’m getting pretty sick of leaving little time to tend to my own needs.

  1. I need to let go of my need to feel needed. I have an unshakable desire to feel constantly needed, so people who exhibit co-dependent behavior toward me are uniquely rewarding. Being needed makes me feel important and valuable. I do realize, however, that’s not a good thing and it results in my feeling more burdened than satisfied. I need to recognize that I’m valuable despite what I have to give others.
  2. I put so much energy into other people that I’m drained by the time it comes to taking care of myself. I’m an ambivert, so although I can be very social in certain situations, others definitely suck my energy. I give so much to other people without getting any of that energy in return that once I need to focus on what’s important to me individually, I often don’t have the motivation anymore.
  3. I stress about other people’s problems more than they do. If I let somebody down, I feel like I’ve failed. I’m a perfectionist and I like to feel like I’m capable of anything. When someone comes to me for help or advice, I feel inclined to make sure I can be the one to fix it because who’s a better problem solver than me? I’m also an empath, so when I see someone in distress, I begin feeling distressed too. It’s not uncommon for me to start worrying about what someone else is going through more than the person who’s going through it!
  4. I need to learn how to say no. I’m not sure why I have such a tough time saying no. It could be because I don’t like conflict often (though sometimes I’m guilty of loving it). Maybe it’s because I’m trying to protect my personal integrity in some way and seem like I can always do everything. Maybe I just don’t have tough enough skin. Regardless, learning how to say no when I need to is something that I really need to work on.
  5. I’m expected to take care of things. I can be controlling and take on the responsibility for a lot of things. It gets annoying when all of a sudden I find myself being the only one in charge of shared responsibilities. Sometimes it feels like people just don’t care because they know that I’m going to handle it. Shared finances, vacation plans, work situations—I’m usually the one who’s just expected to organize it all even though no one seems to ask me anymore.
  6. I tend to be a “fixer” which has led me into the arms of some not-so-great men.
    I see the best in people (which is a good thing), but sometimes I’ve been so sure that I can help people reach their best potential that I waste my time and get attached to people that are likely beyond my help. In turn, I end up getting let down. I have a hard time letting go of things (yep, another Virgo trait), so most times my efforts last far longer than they should.
  7. My actions aren’t reciprocated. This is partially a fault of my own because I prefer not to ask other people for help even when I need it. But it does get frustrating when I go out on a limb for other’s extremely frequently and feel like I’m left hanging when it comes to other’s consideration of my needs. My relationships often times become very unbalanced in this respect.
  8. It’s impacted how I make my own decisions. I put so much of my attention onto others that I think when it comes to making my own decisions, I focus too much on finding some sort of external validation for it. I’m always catering to other’s plans as well, which makes it difficult to plan for myself sometimes.
  9. People start expecting my unconditional help. Because I’m always there for people, I’ve unfortunately taught them certain ways of treating me that are unacceptable. Because I regularly sacrifice myself for others, some people start expecting me to sacrifice myself all the time. In turn, I end up feeling like the guilty one during times where I’m not available to other people.
  10. It’s degrading my own self-worth and that needs to stop. Because I put so much value on my ability to help people, I often feel inadequate if I don’t get the appreciation I feel that I deserve (which I often times don’t). I also sacrifice any time that I should put aside for self-care, which obviously takes its own toll on how I feel about myself. Though I still know that I will always be there for people, I really need to start focusing more on me. I know I’ll thank myself later.
I am a 29 year old writer from Milwaukee, WI. Currently living a life of freedom in Tucson, AZ. Virgo, wine-drinker, lover of bad dancing. Insanity and getting into trouble are my fortes. Writing is my medium.