Stop Telling Yourself These Lies When The Truth Is That He’s Just Not Into You

If there’s anything we women do more than spend time thinking about men, it’s deciphering their every move and motive—and let’s face it, sometimes we suck at it. Sometimes we don’t want to believe the truth that’s right in front of us so we make up lies to protect our own feelings. It’s time to rip off the band-aid and get real: he’s just not into you and telling yourself otherwise is a waste of time.

  1. He has commitment issues. This is probably one of the biggest excuses we make for guys. Writing his BS off as “commitment issues” is a ridiculous glamorization of the fact that he just doesn’t want to be stopped from seeing other people. This only arises if a guy doesn’t want to commit to you. Once he’s found a girl he actually wants to be exclusive with, these “issues” will seemingly just disappear.
  2. He’s not that kind of guy. Then what kind of guy is he? I mean, how often have you met two guys that weren’t somewhat similar? Every guy you meet has something in common, and it’s that they’ll make you believe they’re different. Guys pride themselves on this. They all firmly believe they’re “not that kind of guy” and they’ll go to the ends of the earth. When you start to get those gut feelings that he’s playing you, believe them.
  3. He just saw your text. No, replying to your message four hours later doesn’t mean he “just” saw your text. In today’s society, most of us are always attached to our phones. If your phone never leaves your hand, why would his leave his? He didn’t just see your text, he’s just finally ready to answer you and fit you into his schedule. Plus, how many times have you used this excuse yourself? Countless.
  4. He’ll break up with his girlfriend soon—I’m sure of it. Ugh, the lie we hear time and time again and we just keep believing. He’s not going to break up with her anytime soon, and certainly not for you. Guys are pretty much fearless, they’re a different breed. If he wants to end it with his current girlfriend, he will. If he hasn’t yet, it’s because he just doesn’t want to. She’ll always be there and you’ll always be the “other” woman. No thanks.
  5. No, he totally didn’t ignore me at the bar—he just didn’t see me. You’ve been at the bar for nearly 45 minutes and are standing within a 12-foot radius of him but he still hasn’t approached you. Maybe he just hasn’t seen you yet, right? No, he has, he’s just ignoring you. A guy in a bar is like a little kid on a playground. Endless options of people to hang out with and things to do are at his fingertips. Unfortunately, he just doesn’t see you as one of them.
  6. Boys will be boys. If he’s acting immature and makes you question his age when you’re with him, chances are he’s not into you (or he is but he’s a man-child and not worth your time anyway). When a guy wants to impress a woman, he’ll act like a man. If he’s acting like a boy, it’s because he doesn’t see you as a threat. You’re just one of the guys.
  7. He’s not ready for a serious relationship. Any guy can be ready for a serious relationship if they find someone they actually want to be in one with. In fact, he’s probably more than ready, he’s just waiting for the right girl and unfortunately, you’re not it. Ouch, I know.
  8. That girl he’s posting pictures with is just his friend. If there’s one thing that guys have almost mastered over the years, it’s their social media presence. Unlike us girls, they aren’t usually petty. They don’t generally post pictures with girls to get you jealous. If a guy is single and on the prowl, he doesn’t want any eligible ladies to think he’s in a relationship. His social media accounts will be swept clean of any threats to his sex life. So if he’s posting a picture with a girl, well, you’re in trouble.
  9. He’s really busy. No, no guy is ever too busy. If he wants you to be a part of his life, he’ll make time for you. Why are you going to believe a lie that you’ve probably also told yourself? Time management is key, ladies. If he wants to see you, he will.
  10. He’ll change. If you have to rely on him changing in the future, he’s probably just not into you. If a guy sees you as a potential girlfriend, he’s going to put his best foot forward. There will be no room for change because he’ll come off as seemingly perfect. If a guy allows you to notice his downfalls, it’s because he doesn’t care what you see in him.
Faith is a journalism student from New York who prefers coffee, writing and fun--in that order. She's a millennial yet she experiences a new midlife crisis each day.