10 Tenets Of Love-Making From Women Who Love Women That Straight Guys Should Live By Too

Love-making between two women is different than straight love-making, and this isn’t just because of the literal mechanics (though that’s a big part of it). Mostly, it’s because women experience intimacy differently than men for a whole host of emotional and psychological reasons. Never fear! There’s hope for straight men yet—as long as they take these 10 tenets of girl-on-girl intimacy to heart.

  1. Pre-intimacy fun is vital! Women need to ramp up before the big event. Guys tend to way overestimate our ability to get turned on enough for any kind of insertion. We need some special attention before they go to town. This is what’s great about doing it with a lady—she knows. She knows we need some time to get in the right space because she needs that time too. But you don’t have to have lady parts to understand them!
  2. Intimacy is whatever you want it to be. Many people think the definition of love-making is when the man parts go into the lady parts. This is not only untrue for gay couples, but it should be untrue for all couples. Intimacy is what you make it and you can do it however you want. As long as you’re two consenting adults doing what feels good, there’s no reason to agonize over not having “real” intimacy. Do what feels right and what feels right for your partner.
  3. Get to know the sweet spot. Remember it exists and remember to get friendly with it. When women make love with each other, we know to go straight for this before any penetration, and to spend a long time getting to know the location, size, and sensitivity of this special button on our partners (it’s a little bit different for everyone, so don’t go assuming all ladies have the same kind of love button). I firmly believe all couples should do this—it leads to much better intimacy.
  4. Focus on the other person for a while. The main issue with penetration-centric love-making is that it can be hard to focus just on your partner’s pleasure, especially if you’re the one doing the penetrating. Lying back and hoping for the best also doesn’t do much for anyone. But taking turns focusing on pleasuring your partner greatly increases your chances of leaving them satisfied. Women pretty much have to do this when they make love with each other, and it’s extremely rewarding for both parties.
  5. Communicate. You don’t have to play out intimacy like it’s in a movie—talk to your partner! Ask questions, check in, make sure they’re feeling good, and let them know how good you’re feeling. Talking is pretty much required for us gays since we define intimacy in so many different ways, but it should be required for all.
  6. Be careful with putting it in. Insertion can really hurt if not done correctly, and women know that. That’s why we tend to be careful with it, whether it’s with toys or even just fingers. Lubrication is key, and some women self-lubricate more than others. Make sure her lady parts is all lubed up and ready to go, and take it as slow or as fast as your partner needs.
  7. Be honest. We’ve all faked it with a guy, right? Or at least exaggerated how good something was? Well, it’s a bit harder to fake with a lady. She knows all the tricks. In any case, honesty is important in the bedroom for so many reasons. The biggest one is making sure both parties really are enjoying things. When you lie to your partner to spare their feelings, they aren’t going to change what they’re doing and you’re going to be left unsatisfied time and time again. So be honest.
  8. Cuddle up. Cuddles are the best. Doesn’t matter if it’s before, after, or even unrelated to love-making. Cuddling is a great way to get intimate and to recover after an intensely intimate experience. Women know this and we provide each other with great aftercare.
  9. Accessorize. If you’re two straight people making love, it may feel strange to add accouterments in the bedroom, but it can really enhance the experience. Lady-lovers who are ladies are masters of utilizing all manner of toys, and you don’t need to not have man parts to enjoy them.
  10. Only make love if everyone is in the mood. You don’t always need to make love, and you should never do it if you don’t feel like having it. If you’re not in the mood for making love, there are other ways to be intimate. We all make compromises in relationships and we go out of our way to please our partners, but doing it to just get it over with is never OK. Both partners should want it, and if one of them doesn’t, it should not happen. This is a simple principle, but between two women in a romantic relationship, this is commonplace. It should be commonplace for everyone.
Emma is a twenty-something writer living in North Carolina. She loves cute things, gay things, and being right about things. She's also a bit of a nerd.