There’s a sinking feeling you get in your gut when you feel your relationship starting to fail. The warning signs start popping up and you start using every excuse in the book to ignore or dismiss them. The reason you do that is because facing reality can be excruciatingly painful. It can take you a long time to come to terms with that fact that the relationship has run its course because you’ve fought so long to keep it afloat. There are so many reasons women stay in relationships that they know are dying out; here are just a few.
- You think you can change him over time. You KNOW that there’s something (or a lot of things) that your significant other needs to work on, but you feel like if you just give it time, you can change him. In reality, only he has the power to do that. No amount of love or encouragement will change him if he’s not willing.
- You keep telling yourself it’s not THAT bad. If he isn’t a complete monster and actually has qualities that you love, it’s hard to admit that the relationship has gone south, whether it be due to compatibility issues, commitment issues, or emotional availability issues. Just because someone isn’t a terrible person doesn’t mean that the relationship will work or that it’s living up to your expectations.
- You don’t want to be alone. No one wants to feel completely alone in this world, but if your partner isn’t giving you 100%, is he really there for you, anyway? You’re probably more alone in the relationship than you think if you’re the only one putting in work. Your friends and family have probably been filling the void that your relationship lacks and you’ll slowly realize that you’re not alone at all, even if your relationship ends.
- You feel like you’ve invested too much to let go.You’ve invested years, emotions, money, your entire SELF into a relationship that’s slowly sinking. It’s easier to plug up the holes and pretend it’s not going under than to admit that you’ve hit the iceberg and you’re about to be Jack Dawson’d off the plank of wood you’re both clinging to.
- You don’t want to lose friends or the other half of your family. Chances are, you have a decent amount of mutual friends with your significant other. You don’t want those friends to have to choose sides and decide who to invite to Rachel’s birthday party so that no one gets their feelings hurt. And if your partner is close to his family, you’ve probably grown close to them, as well. Feeling like you’re about to lose the people you’ve spent Christmases and Thanksgivings with is soul-crushing.
- You’re non-confrontational and want to avoid drama at all costs. The idea of weeping and gnashing of teeth makes you queasy. You’d rather just remain complacent and comfortable (albeit unhappy) than start a huge fight.
- Your lives seem too intertwined to untangle.You went in half on a TV, you have a dog together, and you live in the same house. It spikes your anxiety just trying to decide where to start if you DID end things. How do you even divide your life up?
- The idea of dating again scares the absolute hell out of you. When you follow blogs like The Terrible Tales of Tinder or listen to your friend’s awful dating stories, it’s hard to leave the comfort of your listless relationship.
- You don’t feel good enough for anyone else. If you’ve been with someone who’s mentally abusive and constantly making you feel belittled, you might not feel like anyone will love you better.
- You don’t want to hurt your partner.Even if the relationship is failing and you’re not happy, you’ve loved and cared for that person for a long time. You probably still love him. The idea of your significant other being sad because of you is heart-crushing.
While it’s painful to face reality, the fact of the matter is that ending a relationship that’s not giving you everything you need can be liberating once the sadness fades away. It can help you both grow into the people you’re supposed to be instead of dragging each other back down. You can pick up the pieces and remember the things you liked and learned from each other and emerge from the waters, battered but not broken. Sometimes it’s better to let go.