This ain’t our first rodeo in the dating world, but lots of guys sure seem to think it is. That’s the only explanation I can come up with for why these cringe-worthy pick-up lines keep getting used in both online dating and in person. Whatever the reason, I seriously wish guys wouldn’t insult our intelligence by saying these stupid things:
- “You’re not like other girls.” For some reason, guys like to think that this is a compliment instead of an insult to an entire gender (except you, of course). Maybe this comment is enough to woo insecure women who have to cut others down in order to make themselves feel better, but women who prefer to build each other up are only left wondering what this dude thinks is so bad about other girls.
- “I’ll treat you like a queen.” A history buff might be wary of being beheaded if a guy pulls out this line, and any other woman will just roll her eyes. This is such a generic comment, and most women these days can see it for what it really is: a guy trying to claim that he can buy his way into getting laid. Dude, we can treat ourselves like queens. It’s 2016, and we just want to be treated like your equal.
- “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” The only thing women think when a guy says this to them is, “How many other women have you said that to?” It’s possible that this dude is just lucky enough to see progressively more beautiful women as he goes through life, but it’s way more probable that he’s just saying this in hopes that lazy flattery will help him get lucky. And we know it.
- “I’m not like other guys —I’m a nice guy.” Tywin Lannister of Game of Thrones game once said, “Any man who must say, ‘I am the king,’ is no true king.” The same can be said for “nice guys.” The guy who says this is trying to set himself apart from the people he believes are players but are really just more successful at attracting women than he is. He’s the same dude that bemoans the “friend zone” and seems to think that he is owed sex or a relationship just because he did something nice for a woman once. We see you, Nice Guys, and your declaration of who you are has just made it easier for us to stay away from you.
- “I didn’t believe in love at first sight until I met you.” Be still my beating heart — did he just use the “L” word within five minutes of knowing me? Well, that settles it — now I have no choice but to let him sweep me off my feet. JK, this line is one of the most cliche, overused pick-up lines in history, and yet guys are STILL using it. We know that he’s probably tried it on five other girls in the same week, too, so either this guy is actually falling in love with complete strangers (ew), or he’s too lazy to come up with a more memorable comment to win us over (also ew).
- “I’m going to please you like no man has ever done before.” Maybe I’m just jaded, but I feel like every man who has ever said this to me has been selfish and utterly underwhelming in bed. It’s like they know they can’t walk the walk (or thrust the thrust), so they’re trying to talk themselves up in hopes of convincing you that this really is the best sex you’ve ever had in your life. The men who are ACTUALLY good in bed don’t need to talk their game up — they just go in there and do their thing. A woman with any sexual experience will have figured this out, so it’s best to let your love making do the talking.
- “I don’t just want you for sex. I want something real.” To be fair, this is a legit comment when you’re talking about expectations with the person you’re dating. But so many of the guys who say this are online creeps who are twice your age and DEFINITELY just want you for sex. And yes, we can tell the difference.
- “I’m only single because all my exes are crazy cheating bitches.” Home fry, if the one common link between all these “crazy bitches” is you, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that YOU’RE the problem. Maybe a girl who’s never dated anyone before might go along with your sob story, but a wiser woman will avoid you so she doesn’t get a nasty label attached to her when you inevitably mess things up.
- “You’re really hot for a girl who isn’t my type.” See also: “I don’t normally like fat chicks, but you’re pretty cute!” or “The only thing holding you back from being the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen is that hairstyle.” If these sound more like insults than compliments, it’s because they’re supposed to be. Guys who do this are using a technique called “negging” that was developed by pick-up artists as a way to break down women’s self-esteem so that they’d be more likely to go out with you (???). Yeah, I don’t get it either. If you’re doing this, stop. We learned in preschool that being mean does not get you what you want, and that’s still true when you’re an adult in the dating world.
- “It takes a special girl to handle a guy like me.” Ah, nothing screams “man of my dreams” like a guy who’s trying too hard to present himself as ~edgy~ and a ~challenge~. Dude, I’m too old for this crap. Whether I’m in the mood for a casual hookup or meeting my soulmate, I want a man who isn’t going to make my life drama central because he uses his baggage as an excuse to be deliberately difficult. I know you want women to hear this comment and trip over themselves trying to be that “special girl” you’re referring to, but it’s more likely that they’re going to just wish you luck and find someone who’s gotten over their 2000s emo stage.
