I avoid conflict like the plague, which is why I’m so fond of breakups—you can just cut someone out of your life when things aren’t perfect and it’s completely socially acceptable. I know this isn’t a way to live if I want to find love long-term, but I can’t really help myself. Here are some of the reasons I’ve broken up with genuinely decent dudes before:
- He was too nice. We went on a few dates and he was a perfect gentleman. He held open doors for me, he lent me his jacket if I looked cold, he paid for everything, he walked me to my door every night… It was like a fairytale and that was the problem—it didn’t feel real. Instead of trying to dig deeper to see if there was anything there, I kicked him to the curb rather than end up disappointed down the line.
- He wanted a girlfriend too badly. It’s not necessarily a bad thing when a guy knows what he wants, right? He was clearly into me. I enjoyed spending time with him. He was kind, and thoughtful, and he made me laugh—but in the end, I could never tell if I was “The One” for him or just someone he could be in a relationship with until he found something better. I couldn’t bring myself to ask, so I straight up ghosted him.
- He made me nervous. No, not nervous in a creepy way. He made me nervous in an “I’ve had a crush on you forever and I can’t believe you actually like me” way. It sounds cute, but I could never get over it. I could barely speak to him in person; all we did was text. I couldn’t be bothered to put in the extra effort even though I was clearly infatuated, so I just gave up and broke up with him—over text, obviously.
- His smell reminded me of lost love. I liked him a lot. I would catch myself staring at him for a little too long. He complemented my wit. I laughed at his jokes even if they weren’t funny. The only problem was he wore the same cologne as my ex. Easy fix—tell him to stop wearing it or buy him new cologne. My fix? End it.
- He wanted to have sex. A guy wanting to have sex with me shouldn’t be a dealbreaker, but I wasn’t ready. Of course, instead of just saying that and having a conversation like a normal person, I broke up with him two weeks after he brought it up, no explanation given. He still has no idea what went wrong.
- He was too young. At some point in high school I made a hard and fast rule not to date anyone younger than my little brother, who’s 16 months younger than me. Obviously, as you get older, age becomes less of a factor in relationships. Still, when I met this amazing guy who was mature and attentive despite his age, I still couldn’t drop my rule. He was over the line by two months—TWO MONTHS!—so I dropped him. The next girl he dated was my age. Pretty sure he did that just to spite me.
- He asked me a simple question. I was his first girlfriend. He liked me, but after dating for nearly two years we hit a bit of a lull. He asked, “Should we break up?” I still liked him, but who wants to figure that crap out? Not me. So instead of saying, “No, I think we can work this out,” I said, “Yeah, you should probably date other people.” And that was that.
- I disagreed with him. He didn’t date other people and being broken up sucked. We got back together for a few months, and then out of nowhere, he decided that he was holding me back from my goals. I could reach my full potential if only I weren’t dating him. I thought that was the dumbest thing I’d ever heard. So I—you guessed it—broke up with him.
- He was my best friend. If you thought my reasons were stupid before, this one definitely takes the cake. We got back together again and made it through a solid year of long distance. I loved him more than anything—he was my best friend, and that was the problem. We had a conversation about how we would still be best friends even if we ever broke up because that’s just who we are to each other. Processing that was a little too much for me, so I was like, “I guess we should break up then?” because why not?
- He wanted to better himself. We got back together a week later. Then he said he wanted to work on himself. You’re probably asking yourself, “Why is that a problem?” Obviously, because that would involve me having to say things like, “How can I help you do that?” or “I support you 100 percent, whatever you need.” My solution to this “problem” was breaking up for a day.
- He wanted me to be an independent woman. After finally having a conversation about how I can’t just break up with him every time I don’t feel like dealing with something, I actually started to address issues when they came up. That is, until last week when we were discussing whether or not it’s the right time to get married. He told me he wants me to succeed without being married to him first because he wants me to know I don’t need him to be able to achieve my goals. Aw, sweet—what a feminist, right? Wrong. I yelled, “I GUESS WE SHOULD JUST BREAK UP THEN!” in the middle of our friends’ apartment building. So clearly I’m still working on it…
