Thank You For Screwing Me Over — No Really, Thank You

I’m not being snarky, sarcastic, or bitter when I say that I’m actually really grateful that you totally screwed me over and broke my heart. Yeah, you hurt me pretty badly and for a minute there, I wasn’t sure what to do or how to move on. Eventually, though, I figured it out and I can honestly say you did me a huge favor. Here’s why:

  1. I would have stayed, and it would have been wrong. If you hadn’t decided to pull the rug out from under me at the last moment, I would have happily stayed with you — and since you clearly weren’t into me as much as I was into you, it would have been wrong.
  2. You saved me from wasting even more time. In some ways, I would have loved more time to get to know you even if we weren’t meant to be together long-term. On the other hand, I would have continued to get more invested in the relationship. If it had to end, sooner is definitely better than later.
  3. I feel like a completely different person. The shock of you screwing me over has made me feel like a different person in a good way. It was the first time that I didn’t see it coming, which could be a frightening concept, but for some reason, it gave me an opportunity to keep my heart open despite the blow and I feel stronger for it.
  4. You’re sending me right to a better guy. As hard as it is to imagine at the moment, there’s always a new guy right around the corner. There are some things I could have done differently in our relationship, but for the most part, this was all you. So while you might not be ready to deal with your feelings and take things to the next level, I am, and perhaps the next guy will be too.
  5. You gave me some really good perspective. There was nothing I could have done to make you stay, even though I think you ran for the wrong reasons. But that in itself is one of the best lessons in releasing control and trusting life. Because there is nothing different I could have done. I’m grateful that I met you, and if you’re not my guy, I’m grateful to move on without you.
  6. You raised my standards. While we were together, I experienced some things I’d never experienced before. When you were good, you were so much more than anyone else I’ve ever dated. You showed me that the things I want actually exist outside of my imagination in the real world. With you, I got a glimpse of the fairytale, so there has to be more where that came from. Now, I don’t want to do without it.
  7. You kickstarted my growth spurt. Having to accept that we weren’t meant to be when I was so certain that we really were seriously threw me for a loop. But since my life seems to heading in a different direction, I’ve had to accept that and make other changes to support whatever path it is that I’m now heading down.
  8. I needed the practice in letting go of control.  Apparently, I needed another opportunity to practice giving up control because I can’t control you and I can’t make you stay, no matter how little sense it makes right now. I like to know what to expect and you’ve shown me once again that it isn’t always an option.
  9. I got to know myself all over again. When you left me hanging, I got to know myself all over again. I took a trip into the depths and I felt emotions that I haven’t felt in a while. I also surprised myself with how quickly I was able to find peace amidst the pain and trust who I’ve been all along. Thank you. Although you might be gone, I had the chance to get to know a new version of myself and that’s an incredible gift.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog