That’s It — I’m Not Having Sleeping With Someone Again Until I’m In Love

I’m sick and tired of sleeping with a guy and then having my heart broken when I realize he doesn’t actually want something serious with me. Some people love casual encounters, but this is why I’m promising myself to stay away from it until I’m truly in love with my partner:

  1. I know what I want. I’m certain that at this point of my life, I should be looking for an all-in kind of relationship. When I let someone into my bed when I’m not in his heart, I just end up feeling empty. It took me a long time to get to the point where I know exactly what I’m looking for and the kind of person I am, so whenever I sleep with someone and it doesn’t turn out to be real, I feel like I settled.
  2. I hate feeling ashamed. If someone else wants to have casual stuff, hey, more power to them. But every time I sleep with someone who doesn’t have strong feelings for me, I end up feeling horrible about myself. It’s just not my thing, and I’d rather not have that feeling of shame attached to something that should be fun.
  3. I want my partner to know my soul, not just my body. That just can’t happen when I have sleeping with someone who doesn’t love me. Sleeping with a guy who just wants me for what my body can offer him just isn’t satisfying, and I’d rather save my energy for a man who treasures me for who I am on the inside, too.
  4. It’s more of a turn-on when I’m in love. The only time I’ve ever reached my peak during intimacy was when I was with someone who truly cared about me. Maybe it’s a “hopeless romantic” thing, but I just can’t get there with someone if I know he just wants something casual. It sounds weird to say that true love turns me on, but it’s true.
  5. It’ll prove he’s worth it. Before we drop the L-word, I won’t be sure if he’s worth getting into bed with or not. Sure, it can be fun, but it’s not as good as it can be if there are no emotions involved. If he can’t love me for who I am, he doesn’t get to make love to me. Period.
  6. It’ll make it mean something. Today’s culture has desensitized us to it. It’s everywhere, and I feel like for a lot of people, it’s stopped being special. But I know that if I wait until we’ve fallen in love with each other to have anything intimate, it’ll truly mean something. Call me old-fashioned, but I still believe that sleeping with someone should be a truly special milestone in a relationship.
  7. It’ll weed out the jerks. If I keep it in my pants until someone truly loves me, it’s going to show me who’s there for me for real. I don’t need any more empty words and promises when it comes to my love life. I don’t want to date someone who only wants an easy way to get laid, and waiting until I’m really in love with someone before I sleep with him seems like the best way to find a partner who’s in it for the right reasons.
  8. It’ll solidify an already strong connection. By the time love comes into the equation, the bond between two people is already incredibly strong, and that’s exactly what I’m looking for. When I finally do sleep with a guy, it’ll just strengthen my relationship with him, making what we have even more special.
  9. I want to keep things exciting. I’m well aware that the romance that comes at the beginning of a relationship will die down eventually, but I refuse to accept the fact that it has to end so soon. I like always having something to look forward to in a relationship, and I know that if I wait until we’re in love before we have sleep together, it’ll keep the romance and anticipation alive that much longer.
  10. I don’t want a shallow connection. I want the real thing. Oftentimes when I have slept with someone who I’m casually dating, my feelings go from “sort of there” to “crazy in love” so fast I barely realize that it’s happening. Then when it all falls apart because it was never real in the first place, I’m crushed. I don’t want to feel hurt over imitation love. When I feel those powerful emotions, I want to know that they’re the real deal.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.