The 8 Biggest Fears Men Have in Relationships

I’m sure most women have noticed how difficult it can be to get men to commit to a long-term relationship. Unfortunately, even if you manage to lock things down, you’re not out of the woods just yet. There are several common fears most men experience about being in a committed relationship. Most will fade with time, but it’s good to be aware of the fears that might be holding your guy back.

  1. Losing freedom Guys like feeling as if they can spread their wings and fly away at any time. The deeper we get into a relationship, the more we fear that we might lose that freedom. There’s less alone time, less time with our friends, and more of an obligation to “check in” about everything we do. It’s not that we don’t love our relationship and all that it brings our lives, but giving up our autonomy is scary.
  2. Change Once we settle in and get comfortable with something, we don’t want to change. That’s why we can sometimes resist a committed relationship. We don’t want to change our routine or even change certain parts of our home that make it a swinging bachelor pad. We’re also creatures of habit, so embarking on a new path can be a little scary. The good news is that once we adjust, we can settle in nicely to being in a serious relationship. But then once we do that, we start to fear that the relationship will end, creating more change. It’s a vicious and somewhat nonsensical cycle.
  3. Infidelity Yes, some guys will cheat while in a committed relationship, but oddly enough, a lot of guys are afraid of being on the receiving end of infidelity. If a guy goes all-in with a relationship, he expects you to do the same. We sometimes worry that’s not the case. If he has cheated or been cheated on during a past relationship, he’ll always be afraid it’ll happen again in any subsequent relationship.
  4. The inevitable fizzle Obviously, the beginning of a relationship is hot and heavy and totally amazing, but a lot of guys fear they won’t be able to keep that going. When we settle into a relationship, there’s almost an expectation that it’ll last forever and deep down, we’re afraid that we won’t be able to make it last.
  5. Picking the wrong person When a guy takes the plunge into a serious relationship, there is rarely an exit plan. Usually, he assumes that he’s found “The One” and that it will last forever. However, if there’s any sign of trouble, he’ll start to fear that he’s chosen the wrong person. This should go away with time, but if there’s ever a rough patch in the relationship, this fear will come on strong.
  6. Financial concerns For guys, money concerns tend to go hand-in-hand with serious relationships. He starts thinking about big-picture things like kids and family, which can be scary. There’s also a little bit of pressure to treat his girlfriend to the finer things in life, which can put a strain on a person’s budget. Yes, some guys are indeed cheap and stingy, but even if your boyfriend seems a little tight, he might just be worried about how the relationship will impact his long-term finances.
  7. Meeting the other important people in your life We all know that getting into a relationship means having to meet the other person’s parents and friends. That’s a whole new set of people that you need to get to like you. This can be scary and a little overwhelming for most guys. Some of us are surprised we got one person to like us. For guys, a common fear is that one person, like one of your friends or parents, not liking us will be enough to make the relationship unravel.
  8. Rejection This is probably the biggest fear men have in life. Keep in mind that we’re usually the ones responsible for asking you out and eventually asking you to marry us. The fear that you might say no is always in the back of our heads. Even when things are going well, we worry that one day you’ll wake up and we won’t be enough for you. Whether it’s at the beginning or in the middle of a relationship, most guys have a lingering fear of rejection.
Bryan Zarpentine graduated from Syracuse University and lives in upstate New York, where he writes largely about the world of sports. His work has appeared on Franchise Sports and WSN, among others. You can find him on Twitter @BZarp.