A guy’s mind is way more attractive to me than his washboard abs or bulging biceps. Of course, being hot is a plus too, but it’s not essential to getting me in the mood. Here’s why a mental connection is so important to me and how it affects my life.
- Sex to me is much more emotional than physical. Sex for me is a way to reinforce that mental connection that already exists between my partner and me. It symbolizes a special bond that I have with that person—and that bond is based on what’s in our heads, not what’s on our bodies.
- Before doing the deed, I need to share trust and experiences with someone first. I need to trust a person before I can really be turned on, and I also need to feel like I know them well. We have to share some sort of mental connection or I have trouble sharing my body. I don’t judge anyone that can have sex with random strangers, but personally, it’s hard for me to do. In my mind, sex is the ultimate way to show love, and without being on the same page mentally, I can’t see myself being physical with someone.
- I can’t get in the mood if there’s any kind of mental disconnect. If my partner and I are at odds over anything, or if I feel distant from him emotionally, I can’t get in the mood no matter how hard I try. Other mental factors affect me too—for example, if I’m really stressed out about something, even if it has nothing to do with my significant other, I don’t want to have sex. If my partner is willing to help alleviate my stress or to just be there to talk to, that’s the key to getting in my pants.
- I’d rather date someone I have a mental connection with than someone who is simply good looking. I can be turned on physically by men I’ve never spoken to, but if I find out that there’s absolutely no way we’d ever be on the same wavelength mentally, it’d be a deal breaker for me and I’d lose that attraction. I’d rather date someone less attractive who shares my values and goals than a male model who I have nothing in common with.
- I’m not quite a demisexual, but maybe I’m close to that. I can still be attracted to people and flirt with them without the need for emotion, whereas demisexuals always need that emotional connection first before even thinking of someone in a sexual way. I could probably have sex with a guy I just met if I were really physically into him. However, for it to be anything more than a short fling, I need that mental connection to develop too. Otherwise, I’d lose interest quickly.
- I’m not the only woman that craves mental connection. There are many things that affect sexual desire, including biological and psychological factors, and no two people are the same. In general, though, female libido is more affected by psychological factors, and women are more likely to crave an emotional connection with sex whereas men are more driven by physical need. Women can be more complicated, so it’s not abnormal that I need a mental connection to be into sex.
- It’s not just women that can feel the way I do. There are exceptions to every generalization. For example, there are also men that need a mental connection before getting physical, and sometimes women care more about the physical than the emotional when it comes to sex. Everyone has different preferences, but for me, a mental connection is crucial.
- It leads to misunderstandings in my relationship sometimes. Sometimes my partner doesn’t understand why I need to feel that deep mental connection before being physical because his mind doesn’t work the same way. I don’t think he’d care if we lived on different mental planets—he could still have sex with me because being physical is how he connects emotionally. Sure, I can still have sex with him if my mind isn’t feeling it, but it’s just not the same, and he can tell. We’ve learned to compromise in the bedroom because we have different ideas about sex.
- I try to maintain mental closeness with my partner the best I can. To do this, I make sure that I try to explain myself to my partner when I’m feeling a mental disconnect. I do my best to understand the way he’s feeling as well. By talking it out, we can keep each other satisfied. After all, the quality of a couple’s sex life is extremely important to their relationship happiness. As long as my partner and I maintain that emotional bond, I’m happy and so is my guy because all it really takes to make him happy is me being in the mood.
