The Happier I Get, The Less I Want A Relationship

Sometimes it seems like everyone is getting coupled up, which is usually a cue for all the people in my life who are rolling solo to moan and groan about how much it sucks to be single. Frankly, I’ve found that focusing on my happiness instead of a relationship is a much more fulfilling way to live.

  1. I surround myself with amazing people. My friends and family mean the world to me, and a lot of my happiness comes from building genuine bonds with the people in my life. Focusing on strengthening these core relationships makes me realize how lucky I am to have so many people that care about me. There’s no “hole” in my life for a man to fill—my friends and family bring me too much joy for me to ever feel lonely!
  2. I work on my mental health every day. My favorite pastime is worrying about everything, so it’s easy to wish for someone to swoop in and take all my worries away. But no one can truly improve my mental health except me, so I do little things each day to feel better. From meditating to reading a good book, I’ve found that I can self-soothe without relying on someone else—and realizing that I have that power makes me happier than ever before.
  3. I work out to feel good about myself. As much as I hate to admit it, a lot of my motivation to exercise came from wanting to be attractive to someone else. But the more I worked out, the more I realized that it made me feel fantastic. I felt stronger every time I crushed a goal, loved the way I started to look in my clothes, and the endorphins didn’t hurt either. Now, I work out to challenge myself, to get myself out of a funk, or just because I want to look smoking hot for the sake of it. I’ve never felt better!
  4. I celebrate my talents and what they can bring to the world. I’m hypercritical of myself and sometimes can only focus on what I’m doing wrong, which sucks the joy right out of life. I’ve begun trying to celebrate small accomplishments, whether it’s completing a difficult assignment at work or helping someone in need. This lets me recognize for myself what special qualities I have and that I do have the power to make a difference. The more I internalize this, the happier I become—and I don’t have to look for someone else’s approval.
  5. I speak my truth. I’m a natural introvert and used to worry about offending others with my opinions, especially guys. However, I’ve come to the conclusion that as long as I’m not being rude or intentionally hurting someone, it doesn’t really matter whether someone agrees with me or not. I’ve become a lot more open about my views on pretty much everything from politics to social justice. There’s an incredible sense of freedom that comes from being absolutely 100% honest. If that means I’m intimidating guys I could potentially be in a relationship with, that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
  6. I simplify my life. I’ve come to a point where I’m just not going to tolerate anything that’s dead weight: drama, conflict, and unnecessary stressors all have to go. This mentality has done wonders for my happiness: if anything is dragging me down, I snip it out of my life! It goes for guys too: I just don’t have the energy to pine over anybody or play games. I’d much rather have peace of mind!
  7. I let go of expectations. A lot of my stress comes from comparing where I am to where I think I should be. But it really doesn’t matter if my life doesn’t follow a careful schedule; I can appreciate the journey I’ve taken and the obstacles I’ve overcome. This attitude makes me much happier with my life—plus, it doesn’t matter whether or not I “should be in a relationship by now.” I’m on my own timeline, nobody else’s!
  8. I accept that I’m going to make mistakes. Whether it’s binging on chocolate when I’m trying to cut out sugar or screwing up at work, I accept that I’m going to stumble at some points. What’s important is that I don’t beat myself up, and instead analyze what went wrong and what I can improve for next time. Knowing that I can handle challenges on my own makes me less eager to get a boyfriend: I don’t need a shoulder to cry on, so why bother?
  9. I follow my passions. From writing to engaging in activism, there are a ton of activities I care about and want to devote my time to. Thinking about a guy is a huge time-suck! The more I focus on my passion projects and career, the less time I have to worry about/pursue guys. I’d much rather accomplish personal and professional goals than invest time in a relationship that might not even work out.
  10. I love myself. I’m still hella insecure, just like most people—but that doesn’t mean I can’t recognize that I’m a pretty awesome person and deserving of my own love and respect. I actively take time to cherish myself, from treating myself to a spa day or making sure I get enough sleep. Tuning into what I need has helped me understand that I don’t need someone else checking up on me. I know myself best, and I can care for myself best. Why should I spend my time searching for someone else when I’m all I need? I’m building my own happiness, and while a relationship might be nice, I’m not focused on it.
Devani is a biology student with a deep love and no talent for spoken word poetry. She enjoys singing in the shower, lychee boba, and hopes to one day develop enough coordination to look cool in da club.