The Most Awkward Things That Could Happen After A One-Night Stand

While taking that hot guy from the bar home last night seemed like a great idea at the time, it can make for an awfully awkward next morning. Whether you weren’t exactly prepared to wake up in someone else’s bed, you don’t know where you are, or you just plain aren’t great at 7am small talk with strangers, we’ve all had times where the morning after was less than ideal. However, sometimes it’s worse than just the normal awkwardness, so be glad if none of these things have happened to you.

  1. You realize he’s friends with your ex. There’s nothing like some morning-after chit chat that reveals the guy you just saw naked (among other things) is friends with your last boyfriend. As if you’re not already confused about where you are and why your head hurts so much, you know have to pick your brain for answers to things like “When did my ex get all these new friends?” and “How long before this bites me in the ass?”
  2. You have to fart. Who doesn’t love a little morning bloat and hangover gas to make you extra sexy for the smokin’ naked man beside you when you wake up?
  3. Morning breath is out in full force. Please don’t try to kiss me. Or talk to me. Or roll over to face me. This could get ugly.
  4. You can’t remember his name. It’s not your fault the music last night was so loud that you missed it when he introduced himself. It’s not like his name just comes up randomly in conversation after he’s already shaken your hand and bought you a drink. Okay, so you could have asked him to repeat his name after he extended his hand… but it’s a little late now. Or, um, early.
  5. You get your period. Thank you, Aunt Flow, for stopping in unannounced and uninvited at the most excellent time. Maybe his ex girlfriend left some tampons in the bathroom?
  6. Last night was messier than you thought. Be it vomit on your shirt, garbage in your hair, or mascara running down your left cheek, it’s going to be awkward.
  7. He asks you to leave. All you wanted to do was get to know him better. And cuddle. And have breakfast with him. Okay, you get it. You’re going. Jerk.
  8. Your friend is there, too. Wait… what exactly happened last night?
  9. You realize you have no money for a cab. You can’t possibly walk home. You don’t even know where you are. Even if you did, you’re missing a shoe and your feet are in no condition for an uphill trek. Is it inappropriate to ask him to drive you? Would he lend you money? How safe is it to hitchhike?
  10. You really need to throw up. There is no way to make this pretty. None at all. You may as well accept that you’re holding your own hair back. Just make sure you run the water while you do it, too.
  11. Your mom calls… or his. Oh, hey, Mom. Yeah, I’m just at a friend’s. Yeah, I’m always up this early. No, you don’t know him. Hey, can I call you back?
  12. You realize you’ve slept with his roommate. Well, it really is a small world, after all. Did he know about this? Am I part of some bet? I hope they’re not looking for a threesome.
  13. He’s expecting round two. Sorry dude, but this goes against all rules of a one-night stand.
  14. You need to pee and don’t know where the bathroom is. Or you’re stuck under his 200lb cuddle and can’t get away.
  15. You see his bedroom in daylight. Is that an action figure? When was the last time he cleaned this joint? Are those my grandma’s sheets?
  16. His girlfriend calls. Who’s calling him so early in the morning? That’s an adorable picture of him and some girl. Almost too adorable. He takes one look at his phone and you recognize that look a mile away. That’s the “Oh crap, my girlfriend!” look. Yikes. I’ll just let myself out. Nice meeting you.
Suzanne is a twenty something living in Toronto, Canada. When she doesn't have her professional pants on from 9-5, she is getting lost in a good book, a yoga class, or a tall glass of wine.
She has a severe case of the travel bug, a serious love affair with food and will never say no to puppy-sitting.
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