The Older I Get, The More Sensitive I’ve Become

In the last few years, I’ve gone from being a hard-faced, badass chick with no real empathy to an absolute emotional mess. I have no idea why. It’s not like I had a baby or experienced some sort of life-altering crisis. I can’t pinpoint the specific moment when I became a highly sensitive person, but I’m not okay with it! I used to not give a damn about anything and now I care too much about everything. It’s absolutely horrible. 

  1. I Cry Easily. Before I turned 24, I hadn’t cried in 12 years. Now, I cry pretty much all the time — when my boyfriend irritates me, when the main character dies in the show I’m watching, and even when I have a crazy work week. I blubber like a baby. Sometimes I cry for no other reason than I’m just tired and need a nap.
  2. I Can’t Function Without Sleep. If I don’t get a good night’s rest, I’m no good to anyone. I have no idea how some people can sleep five hours (or less) and be good to function the next day. I can’t do anything on five hours of sleep. I can’t even do anything on seven hours of sleep. I need eight minimum (10, if I’m being honest) in order to be an active part of the human race.
  3. I Notice Things That Others Typically Miss. Like the way my friend tilts his head when he lies, the way my co-worker’s voice has no fluctuation at all, or how that guy across the gym is checking out that girl who’s trying not to act interested. I see things that most people I’m with either miss or just completely disregard. It’s exhausting being so observant and analytical.
  4. I Refuse To Be In The Spotlight. Some people consider me the life of the party, which I completely am… as long as there are other people around. I’m talkative, I’m cool, and I’m fun when I’m out with a big group. But the second it’s just me and a stranger, I freeze up. I don’t like being forced into a situation where all eyes have to be on me.
  5. I’m Very Sensitive To Sounds… I used to thrive in public, loud places. Now, I can’t even entertain them. The second I walk into a house party, I almost immediately feel sick to my stomach. The sounds drive me crazy. The music is too loud, the people are too loud, and the sound of beers being clinked is too loud. All that noise makes me want to run into the wild and sleep in a cave for three months.
  6. …And Smells. If something smells a little too strong, I feel sick. Seriously sick! What the heck?! I never had an issue with smells growing up. I could eat anything, but not anymore. I legit have to sniff my food before I eat it just to see if the smell is something I can even bring close to my mouth.
  7. I Can’t Have One-Night Stands. I’m not saying I was promiscuous or anything, but I used to be way more “flexible” when it came to relationships. I didn’t need every guy I slept with to be my boyfriend and I sure as heck didn’t care about being courted or adored. I wasn’t in it for the long-haul, but now I am more than ever. I can’t have a romantic relationship without some sort of attachment.
  8. I Get Stressed Out Very Quickly. But I typically don’t show it. I hide my stress very easily, and that’s because I usually don’t know I’m experiencing something stressful until it physically hits me. I suffer from stress-related headaches, and sometimes I’m even too nauseous to eat. I’ve even had a couple of ulcers that were brought on by stress. 
  9. I’m Constantly Questioning The Point Of It All. When I was younger, I never thought about death. I knew people died but the fact that I could die, or someone I loved could die, didn’t seem like a realistic concept. Now that I’m older and I’ve experienced more loss, I’m constantly questioning the point of it all. Why are we, humans, placed on this earth simply to die? And if we die, why on earth do we humans take life so damn seriously all the time?!
  10. I Have To Spend Time Alone. Call it a sensory issue or call it me being dramatic but I can’t spend every waking moment (or even every other waking moment) with someone else. As much as I love my friends and family, I can’t see them all the time. Four to five hours max is all I can do before I have to retreat to a corner by myself and watch “The Office.” I just need time to relax and decompress. I’m like a bear. I have to hibernate… except my hibernation has to happen a couple of times a day instead of once a winter.
  11. I Can’t Watch The News. The news depresses me a great deal. I can’t watch it, I can’t read about it, and I don’t want to hear people talking about all the BS, horrible nonsense that’s happening in the world. That might make me ignorant about what’s going on in the world, but whatever! I would rather be ignorant than upset and crying every five seconds.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.