Maybe you like this guy but he’s hung up on someone else but still keeping you around for the moment. Or, maybe he keeps telling you that he loves you, but it’s not the right time then he goes right ahead to date someone else and you’re left hanging once again. Loving someone who will never love you the way you want can be emotionally devastating. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
- It leaves you waiting in pain for something that might never happen. Being second choice will have you investing all of yourself into a relationship hoping that he’ll see your efforts and give something back. You keep dreaming that he’ll find the courage to choose you. That a day will come when you’ll have him all to yourself when he’ll give up every other woman for you. You delude yourself into thinking that if you hang around long enough he’ll eventually realize you’re everything he’s looking for.
- You’ll feel like your best is never good enough. No matter what you do, it’ll seem like you’re always coming up short. You’ll always be the girl he loves, but not with his whole heart, not enough to want to date you for real. After all your efforts, he still sees you as the safety net. The one he crawls to when everything else is falling apart. The one who always has to fight for a spot in his life.
- It damages your self-worth. Constantly being placed on the back burner or rejected for someone else can wreak havoc on your confidence and self-esteem. Every time he leaves you and comes back without explanations or apologies knowing you’ll still be there, he slowly chips away at your value. You’ll start to believe that you’re less than, that it’s your fault you’re not his first choice. If you let it continue, you’ll wake up one day and be completely unrecognizable to yourself.
- You end up feeling exploited. When you keep giving and giving without getting anything in return, it’s easy for resentment to build up. Even though he never really promised you anything, you’ll start to feel cheated because he seems to be getting the most out of the relationship while you’re always left empty. Love is a beautiful thing, but you should never let anyone use it as an excuse to take advantage of you.
- It’s a never-ending cycle of brokenness, loss, and fear. He promises to call so you stay up all night waiting but the phone never rings. He never takes you out on nice dates or treats you like a priority. You spend hours wondering how you can be better for him. You worry that he’s not really into you and that he might completely abandon you tomorrow. Being a guy’s second choice means getting your heart broken twice over: by yourself and by him.
- You won’t always get the respect you deserve. When you’re second choice, you try to be easygoing and understanding. You don’t demand anything or give your affections with strings attached. But instead of being appreciated for this, most guys just see it as a license to disrespect you. They’ll treat you like you’re disposable or like you exist entirely for their pleasure. What you want or how you feel won’t matter anymore.
- The green-eyed monster will follow you everywhere. When you trust that he loves more than anyone else in the world and would rather be alone than not be with you, there’ll be no reason to be jealous of the other women in his life. But being second choice means there are no such guarantees. So you’ll find yourself envious of any woman that you suspect might steal him away from you. After all, if you’re not the love of his life, that means she’s still out there.
- You’ll be constantly comparing yourself to others. You think that the problem is you and not the fact that the man you like is a coward you can’t make up his mind about you. So you try to make yourself into the woman you think would be his top choice. You keep wondering what the women he keeps choosing before you have that you don’t instead of realizing that you’re amazing the way you are.
- You’ll feel like you don’t deserve premium treatment. So he never takes you out on dates or invites you to social gatherings. He never shows you just how special you are by doing nice, romantic things and you keep letting it slide. At least when he comes over for Netflix and chill he’s spending time with you. But the truth is that you deserve so much better than that. You deserve the world on a platter, he’s just not the guy who’s going to give it to you.