The Scariest Things About Dating A Man With Anger Issues

Dating a man with anger issues isn’t just frustrating, it can be downright terrifying. You never know where you stand or what’s going to set him off and how far he’s going to go the next time he flips, leaving you completely unsettled. However, that’s not all you’ll deal with in this situation — here are some of the scariest things about being in a relationship with a man with anger issues.

1. You’re not in control. Some things are scary because you can feel them. It’s worse when you can’t see the thing that’s scary, which is exactly what happens when you’re dating a man with anger issues. Angry people do unpredictable things that don’t correlate to rational thought. They strip their partners of any sense of control or security and that’s scary.
2. You don’t feel seen. A relationship should be a safe space for self-expression and growth, but if it’s all about managing the other person’s anger all that time, you aren’t having your needs met. You end up completely disappearing in the relationship which isn’t just scary, it’s sad.
3. You can’t talk about it. It’s a taboo subject, dating a man (or woman) with anger issues, and you can’t always just discuss emotional abuse or trauma over tea and coffee. You have to be mindful of other people’s boundaries and that stops you from coming to terms with this toxic situation.
4. Friends might judge you. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you realize that the people closest to you might abandon you in your time of greatest need. That sounds dramatic, but dating a man with anger issues is a very complex situation. Without the right support, being met with judgment in a dysfunctional relationship can be scary and detrimental.
5. Friends might be at risk too. There’s also a very real risk that by trying to rant about or escape an angry or violent person, you put the people you talk to at risk. Because you know how you feel, there’s no way you’d take that risk. You can be scared for a variety of reasons; for your personal physical and mental safety and for the safety of others. It’s a constant sign of anxiety and it swiftly catches up with your mental health.
6. You cover up his mistakes. When people get angry, they get careless. That leads to mistakes that you have to be accountable for, as the person they’re dating. That’s part of the toxic culture: you can’t get away from an angry person, because at their core they’re vulnerable and rely on you.
7. You constantly make excuses for him. You might make excuses when dating a man with anger issues, claiming “it’s just because of his upbringing” or that “he doesn’t know what he’s doing.” These are harmful oversimplifications and it doesn’t do the person you’re dating any favors to cover for them in that way. You get so used to lying for him that you don’t even know what the truth is anymore, which is scary.
8. You make the same mistakes over and over again. No one wants to feel like they’re stuck in the same cycle, particularly when they’re in a toxic relationship with an angry person. You have to get yourself out when you feel like you’re not making any progress, or just that you’re stuck in the same heartbreak and hurt. It’s rarely as simple as that, though.
9. You’re feeling trapped. If you have started thinking about putting an emergency bag of packed survival essentials aside because you’re dating a man with extreme anger issues, then it’s a sign you aren’t feeling safe anymore. More than that, you secretly feel like you need to be able to have a bail-out strategy. This shows the real cost of dating an angry person. It changes you.
10. You suffer from serious anxiety. Anxiety is an increasingly common part of modern life, but it should be something that you can work out with your partner rather than it getting worse because of them. There still needs to be you and him in a relationship, not just both of you always working towards “fixing” the man’s anger issues.
11. You may experience physical abuse. Red flag. If at any point a partner hits you – I don’t care what the context is – that’s the end of the relationship. If someone hits you out of anger or frustration (or at all, regardless of the reason), that’s unacceptable. It shows that they think you’re beneath them or won’t kick back.
12. Once you start flinching, you can’t go back. This is an age-old adage. You always find the results of previous toxic abusive relationships when, even years later in new relationships, you still flinch if you’re caught off-guard or they raise their hands in a different gesture. It’s sad and it shows how the effects of dating a man with anger issues could end up affecting you long-term.
13. You don’t want to be alone with him. If you reach this point with any relationship, that’s in the red zone. For most people, it’s out of boredom because you can’t think of anything to say. However, in this more dramatic context, it’s because you feel unsafe and like you don’t have an escape route. In short, you don’t know what your partner will do – to himself or to you.
14. You start to feel like you can’t breathe. You feel responsible for them, so you can never really relax. You will realize this over the spread of a longer-term relationship that stress and anxiety build up. This is because you bottle up emotions that you don’t want to talk openly about, as well as bearing the responsibility for another human being. It’s stressful and hard to manage an angry person.
15. You never understand him. You will want to understand your partner so that you can get to know who they really are and what makes them tick. It also helps to get to the root of why he is the way he is. However, when you get involved with a man with anger issues, rather than knowing the person, you will only know his trigger points. It’s extremely harmful.
16. You end up wasting your life. You will start to live your life through the lens of things that might or might not upset your partner rather than from your own perspective. You will lose yourself, looking back years from now and wondering what the hell you were thinking.
17. You train yourself to believe that you deserve less. This relationship with a man with anger issues will fundamentally change how you pursue relationships going forward. You will pursue what is familiar to you, which is emotional abuse, anger issues, and a lack of respect.
18. You could develop PTSD around alcohol. I know alcohol is fun and casual for lots of us. But that isn’t the same with people who have been with a man with anger issues. Alcohol becomes a triggering substance or one that enables and worsens anger. It makes the inebriated person even more dangerous.
19. You resort to your own measures to manage. Maybe you’ll start another relationship, or change friend groups so that you can find a support system. Don’t judge yourself; do what you need to survive, even if it changes you.
20. You never know his next mood. This makes you associate unpredictability in relationships with the norm, and that’s not the case. A man with anger issues will keep you at bay emotionally and yet demand all of your time and attention. It’s toxic from end to end.
21. You know you deserve better. This is the kicker. After all this, you know that you deserve better and that you want more than this. But if you’re stuck, and can’t see a way out, it’s incredibly hard to action that feeling. That’s probably the scariest thing of all.