The Second Date Is The New (Better) First Date – Here’s Why

Everyone talks about how important a first date is, especially if you’re meeting the guy for the first time. It’s true that it acts as a great litmus test for your general compatibility, but the truth is that the second date is where it’s really at.

  1. You feel more comfortable. You might be riddled with nerves when going to a first date, but by the second one, you’re a little more at ease. This enables great things to happen and the conversation to flow easier and smoother. Think of a first date as breaking the ice. Now you can enjoy yourself a bit more.
  2. You cut through the first date nonsense. Sometimes people go OTT on the first date to try to make a great first impression. By the second date, they’re showing you a bit more of who they truly are. That’s why you should be paying attention!
  3. The second date goes deeper. The first date is full of conversations about your family, work, and what you’re looking for in a relationship. Basically, you’re getting each other up to speed. But the second date can go deeper into those topics and other, more random ones. This gives you a clearer picture about who you’re dating as you’ll see them in both a serious and light-hearted light.
  4. You see them in better lighting. Often, first dates take place in candle-lit restaurants or dim pubs so you don’t really get to see what they look like. Of course, there’s more to someone than their looks, but it sure helps to see them in better lighting. That’s where the second date comes in. It’s a good idea to head outdoors—or at least somewhere during daylight hours so you can actually get a look at each other!
  5. It’s easier to experience that first kiss. First date kisses are sometimes overrated, mainly because they can feel like a little too much, too soon. Having a kiss on the second date feels much more natural and comfortable because you know the person a bit better and have had a bit of time to get to know them.
  6. You can ask about any red flags. Maybe they said something on the first date that gave you some doubts about them but not enough to write them off completely. Seeing them for another date can help you to gain better clarity about the person while also having the chance to ask them about whatever’s on your mind.
  7. You can do something more fun. Sometimes people choose generic date options when first meeting because they’re not expecting the date to be long and they want to stick to a date activity that people generally like. The second date is different. You can choose a much more fun and unique activity, especially because you’ve taken the time during your first date to find out what your partner does for fun.
  8. You can figure out your feelings. It’s not always easy to know exactly what you feel about someone after the first date. How can you know what you want after an hour at the pub with them? That’s why a second date can be just what the doctor ordered. It’s a good time to focus on how they make you feel, especially because you’re not so worried about how you look and what first impression you’re making.
  9. You get a better idea of their feelings. It’s not just your feelings that can be placed in better focus during the second date. You can see what the person is really like during this time. In fact, even just looking at how he approached planning the second date will show you if they’re serious or not. Did they make proper plans ahead of time or just call you at the last minute? That behavior reveals their intentions.
  10. You see past their looks. If they’re really attractive, you might’ve been blinded by their looks on the first date. Hey, it happens and you’re only human. The second date gives you a chance to see past their cheekbones and gorgeous eyes to the qualities that are inside them. Yeah, you might be feeling lust, but do you feel something more? Now’s the time to figure it out.
  11. You give them a chance. Sometimes we’re a little too quick to judge someone based on their first-date performance. But maybe they were nervous or the place was too noisy for you guys to properly chat. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt and going on a second date can surprise you. You might find that they’re actually more like you than you initially thought, or that they’re much more open now that they’re relaxed.
  12. The connection might grow. Everyone wants to feel that spark on the first date, but sometimes it just doesn’t happen. That doesn’t always mean that you shouldn’t go on another date with the person, though, especially if they were really cool and had lots of great partner potential. Although you should never try to force a connection, meeting for a second date can show you what you’re really dealing with when it comes to your connection… or lack thereof.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.