The Struggles Of Being A Neat Freak

You like to think of yourself as clean and organized, but anyone who’s ever met you sees it a little differently, and they tend to refer to you as a neat freak. You’ll take it; it’s better than the alternative, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. You see, the world has a place that’s in disarray and in need of your magic touch to set things straight pretty much all the time. You can’t help that seeing a mess makes you feel physically sick, but it is a struggle. Here’s what life is like as a neat freak.

  1. Your coaster collection is on point. But they’re so nice that you almost don’t like to put your glasses on those, either, because condensation could mess them up.
  2. It makes you really uncomfortable to watch kids eat in restaurants. They’re cute and all, but OMG, that baby just dumped an entire container of crushed crackers all over itself and the floor. Is someone going to come vacuum that up, or what?
  3. You can’t leave the house until it’s clean. Your version of running late is more like, “orry, got caught up scrubbing my bathroom floor, but all is well in the world now. Carry on!” The thought of coming home to an uncleaned mess is enough to give you a panic attack, so you never put yourself in that situation.
  4. Dirty dishes give you an upset stomach. You will straight up start organizing the kitchen in the middle of the most boisterous party in town, and maybe even take the garbage out. If you do it as you go along, it’ll never pile up, right?
  5. Your friends constantly tease you. And teasing is putting it lightly. You’ll never understand why cleanliness is worth joking about. Isn’t it more hygienic?
  6. Dating can be tough. A lot of men lose their luster once you step inside their man dungeon apartments that haven’t been cleaned all month. Soap scum rings in the bathtub and moldy Chinese takeout in the fridge? No sex for you.
  7. You carry a little trash bag with you. You just never know when you’re gonna need to house some trash, and you sure as hell won’t just be tucking your used gum into a piece of paper to throw in your purse and hope for the best. Wrap that up.
  8. You make your house guests adhere to your rules. First your show your guests where the clean towels are, then you show them how to properly squeegee the shower glass doors when they’re done to avoid water spots.
  9. You try to keep your girlfriends out of your closet. Oh, how they pull multiple items out at once and put them back in the wrong places with wild abandon. It’s so uncomfortable.
  10. You try not to look at the desks of your coworkers. Holy crap, those things are pure madness. It gives you anxiety just thinking about the paper stacks piling up there, not to mention the multiple empty coffee cups.
  11. You’ve hired a maid just to learn some stuff. Let’s be honest – you can clean with the best of them, but you’ve always wondered how a professional cleaner gets down on those mysterious food splatters in the refrigerator. Now you know.
  12. People think you’re uptight. You’re totally fun! Living on the edge! You just have some rigid organizational habits that can’t be broken, that’s all.
  13. You can’t relax when you have people over. It’s not that you’re worried about the messes they’ll make (okay, maybe a little), but you’d just rather clean things up as you go then try to turn a blind eye and have a terrible time.
  14. Pinterest hacks = brilliant. Once you learned you could roll clothing up to store in your drawers instead of folding them, you’ve never looked back.
  15. You don’t even want help. You’re dating a guy who is perfectly willing to help out with cleaning duties, but you have to push him out of the kitchen because he puts away the dishes completely wrong.
  16. You’ve cleaned your cleaning products. If you don’t at least wipe down the sides of the spray bottles after you use them, they can collect all kinds of weird dust and stuff. That’s a normal habit, right?
  17. Relaxation is for when everything is done. The problem is that there’s always something to be done. Even these hotel sheets weren’t quite put on to your standards…
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog