The Struggles Of Being The Blunt Friend

As the blunt friend in my circle, I’m constantly getting in trouble. I’m the one who tells my friends’ exes exactly what I think of them if I should run into them, the one who’s the first to point out to someone they really need to step up their hygiene game, and the one who’s constantly getting scolded for not thinking before I talk. I may come off as a bitch, but really I just don’t know how to shut the hell up.

While there are pros to being the blunt friend (no one ever wonders what I’m thinking), there are some downsides, too. Actually, it sucks about 80% of the time to be so blunt, especially when other people’s feelings are at stake, because OMG, you just can’t stop talking. Here’s why the struggle is so real.

  1. You’re usually totally clueless to what you’ve said wrong. Every time you say something inappropriate, it takes you a while to figure out what you said that was so upsetting. Even when someone points out to you what you’ve said that may have been triggering, you still don’t get it. Why don’t people want to hear the facts?
  2. You’re constantly apologizing (but don’t know why). You spend a lot of time apologizing. Like, a lot. But nine times out of 10, you can’t really understand why you should have to apologize for being honest. Why is it your fault that people can’t handle the truth?
  3. Your friends ask you all the time if you’re joking. Because, despite having known you for years, they still can’t believe some of the crap that comes out of your mouth. You’d really think they’d learn by now.
  4. People are constantly taking breaks from you. You have, inadvertently, pushed people out of your life for short spurts of time because sometimes they just don’t want all that reality in their faces. But while you understand needing a break, you still don’t understand what you said that was so wrong. Personally, you love a good wake-up call.
  5. “What did I say now?” is something you say all day long. Whether you’re in a work setting or social setting, it’s just your fate. But seriously, someone please tell you what you did or said that was so damn awful this time. You said you like their haircut, you just think it looks ugly on them. They can’t fault you for your opinions!
  6. Your friends prep other people about you before you meet them. According to your sister, she always gives her friends a briefing on your blunt, sarcastic, constant resting bitch face ways. She thinks it’s better to be safe than sorry. That happens to you a lot.
  7. You’re often asked if you say what you do for shock value. Although you’re sure some people say things simply to shock the hell out of people, just because you’re blunt doesn’t mean you intentionally want to stir things up. You just don’t know when to shut up.
  8. You scare the hell out of people every time you open your mouth. You go to give your two cents on a subject and you see the people around you just instinctively coil in fear, as if to say, “Please don’t speak. Please don’t speak.”
  9. You tend to make things awkward without realizing it. Well, you realize it’s awkward only after running it through your head a hundred times and you’re forced to give in to social standards that have dictated that you can’t be blunt in public. Society, man.
  10. Your mom has been scolding you since you first started to talk. If only you had a penny for every time your mom/partner/sibling/friend has yelled at you, “Filter! Filter!” Oh, how rich you’d be.

Why everyone needs a blunt friend

If you’re lucky enough to have one, hold onto her dearly. She’s sorely needed in your life.

  1. She tells it like it is. Your blunt friend will tell you when you look like crap or are acting like a moron. Even when it’s seriously agitating, they’re the friends you can count on to tell you what you need to hear.
  2. She’s funny as hell. Blunt people are hilarious and their jokes are always solid. They’re smart and witty people, and you can always depend on them for a good laugh.
  3. She can easily tear down everyone you don’t like. Blunt people are experts at pinpointing people’s insecurities and summing them up in hurtful one-liners. Count on this friend to destroy your enemies by humiliating them in public
  4. She helps you get your life together. Sometimes, the best thing for you is a blunt kick in the ass. When your life is in shambles, the last thing you need is a friend who will sugar coat everything and assure you that you are doing just fine. You need a friend who will tell you where you are messing up, and what you can do to fix it.
  5. She gives it and she can take it. You don’t have to tip toe around your blunt friend because they almost never get offended. They’re great at dishing out insults and sarcasm, and just as good at taking it. They appreciate a well-crafted witticism, and don’t mind being the butt of a good joke.
  6. She never BS you. You don’t have to worry about this friend playing mind games or being a frenemy. They have no interesting in going behind your back or lying to you- they’re honest all the way.
  7. She knows how to reign it in. Blunt friends know they rub some people the wrong way with their sharp and witty honestly. They’re smart and self-aware enough to reign it in when it’s really important, so they’re totally capable of playing nice. They can get along with everyone in a given social situation, and save their blunt comments for drinks with you after.
  8. She’s brave. Your blunt friend isn’t scared of what anyone thinks. They say what they believe in regardless of the consequences, and don’t care who thinks they are a bitch. Their bravery is contagious, and can help give you the courage to be the person you want to be- even when it’s scary.
  9. You know your friendship is legit. When you have a brutally honest friend who never lies or plays games, you know your friendship is for real. You never have to question her loyalty- she’ll have your back always. This is a bond that won’t easily fade away, despite the ups and downs of a long term friendship, so your blunt friend will be your girl forever.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.