After two failed long-term relationships in my adulthood, I’ve found myself single… in my 30s. This was never part of the plan, but here I am. Despite what our mothers, the media, and friends who “mean well” think, not being in a romantic relationship in your 30s and beyond is pretty great for the most part. Here’s the truth about being a single woman over the age of 30.
- Dating is More Intentional But Less Important. When I was single in my 20s, there was so much pressure to meet someone quickly before “all the good ones were taken.” This led to many awkward first dates, creepy messages on dating apps, and a few regrets that now make me cringe. Now that I’m a little older and wiser, I’ve learned that being single isn’t the end of the world. This realization has helped me learn my worth, create and reinforce boundaries when dating, and no longer entertain men who don’t meet my standards. While dating can be fun, it’s not necessary to be happy.
- Being More Confident and In Tune With Your Body Can Lead to Better Sex. As a woman who’s older than 30 but younger than 40 (a lady never tells her age!), I can promise you this is a highlight. Our bodies go through a lot of changes over the years. You might think that as you get older and your body begins to sag, dimple, and wrinkle, you would be more self-conscious, but the opposite happens for many. We no longer worry about trivial things like stretch marks or loose skin when enjoying the company of another in bed. A newfound confidence level happens to a woman once she hits 30, which helps you relax more when having sex and makes you more comfortable asking for what you want. You also learn what you enjoy sexually and what you don’t. This’s even more true when you explore sex with several partners who can introduce you to new poses, toys, and techniques.
- You get to spend More Time With Friends and Family. When people are in a relationship, much of their attention goes to their significant other. When you’re single, you have more time and energy to nurture your friendships and relationships with family members. This is important because having a wider social circle means you have a larger support network, which contributes to a happier and healthier life. I didn’t realize it until I hit 30, but I’m the woman I am today because of the people who love me and who I love. I want to honor those relationships.
- Parenting Plays a Huge Role in Everyday Life. While not every woman over 30 has children, many do, including me. Being a parent plays a huge role in everyday life, especially when you’re doing it on your own. This is true whether you have split or full custody. When your kids are home with you, you’re their sole provider for everything from meals and entertainment to discipline, helping with homework, extracurriculars, and so on. It can be exhausting having to care for little ones on your own, but that’s the reality for many single women of any age.
- You learn to Enjoy Your Own Company. As a single woman over 30, you probably spend a lot of time on your own, especially if you’re past the roommate phase of life. People in relationships go to bed and wake up with another person right there beside them, but you don’t. Worknights can initially feel lonely as you adjust to watching TV by yourself before bed, but over time you start to enjoy your own company. You might even look forward to it. This happens much more quickly when you actually embrace rolling solo.
- You have More Time to Do The Things You Enjoy. All that alone time also means you have more time to do the things you want to do rather than constantly compromising with a partner. Instead of being forced to watch hockey, you can watch Sex and the City reruns. Rather than meeting up with his friends for a drink, why not join a class or try something new? The possibilities are endless when you’re the only one in charge.
- There’s Less Money Living In a One-Income Household. One major downside to being a single woman over 30 (or at any age) is having to live off one income. Sometimes it can seem unfair that married couples combine assets that make things like homeownership, everyday essentials, and vacations more affordable. When you live on a single income, it can definitely make it more difficult to afford certain things. On the plus side, though, all your money is all yours and you get to decide how to spend it.
- You’re not Stressed Out About Compromising Or Caring For Another Adult. Far too often, the woman in the relationship is expected to do everything around the house. This includes all the cleaning, cooking, making appointments, hosting parties, preparing for holidays, caring for the children, and even taking care of their partner… all while working a full-time job herself. The truth is that women do three times more unpaid care and domestic work than men. As a single woman over 30, I’m grateful to be no longer expected to care for an adult man.
- You have the freedom to Be Yourself. There’s something so freeing about being single once you hit 30. For starters, you reach a point where you don’t care as much about what other people think of you. Add on top of that the lack of a partner to criticize your choices, and you truly have the freedom to be yourself in every way.