Every relationship—whether with a partner, family member, or coworker—requires effort to stay happy and healthy. When things start to break down, working to repair the bond is important. Some top therapists offered this advice in an article for The Guardian on rebuilding connections and improving communication with everyone in your life.
1. Curiosity is the Key to Communication
In an interview with The Guardian, couples therapist Joanna Harrison emphasized the importance of real, honest communication in romantic relationships. She noted that unspoken resentments build up over time, especially when one partner bears the mental load without acknowledging it. She suggests being curious about what each person feels responsible for in the relationship, as unrecognized contributions can breed resentment.
2. Schedule Time to Talk About Issues
Life gets busy, and spontaneous conversations about relationship problems can often lead to conflict. Harrison recommends setting aside dedicated time to discuss issues before they escalate. “It’s why people come to therapy—to create a reflective space,” she told The Guardian. Regular check-ins can help resolve issues before they turn into major problems.
3. Listen and Acknowledge Even if You Disagree
You don’t have to agree on everything in a relationship to work, but acknowledging the other person’s feelings is crucial. Harrison encourages a practice where both partners state their feelings while the other repeats them to show they’ve been heard. This technique can help prevent conflicts from becoming endless arguments over who’s right and wrong.
4. Stay True to Yourself and Your Grievances
Marital therapist and author Andrew G. Marshall told The Guardian that a common issue in relationships is people edit themselves and their feelings to avoid conflict. While it may seem harmless to let small annoyances slide, continually silencing yourself leads to losing who you are. Marshall warned, “Over time, you become a person your partner doesn’t truly know.” Authenticity, even in disagreements, is essential for long-term connection.
5. Report Issues Rather Than Acting Them Out
Instead of letting frustrations simmer until they explode, Marshall advises addressing them as they come. Saying, “I’m annoyed when you hum,” is far better than snapping after days of irritation. Acting out feelings without addressing the issue directly leads to more giant blowups, while calmly stating your feelings helps prevent unnecessary conflict.
6. Embrace, Don’t Avoid Arguments
Conflict, when handled well, can bring people closer. While conflict is uncomfortable, real growth happens when both parties have had time to reflect and gain understanding. Pause and then revisit the argument later, which can reveal deeper truths and foster intimacy.
7. Lower the Bar
Psychotherapist Philippa Perry told The Guardian that high expectations often get in the way of good relationships, especially with family members. This is because we tend to expect more from those close to us, which can lead to disappointment. Perry suggests practicing compassion and understanding—people are shaped by their own experiences and can’t always meet the expectations we set for them. Cut your family some slack.
8. Recognize Where Hurtful Comments Come From
When parents or loved ones say things like, “That’s going to be hard,” they may be passing on their fears rather than intentionally discouraging you. According to Perry, these comments often come from a desire to protect you, even if they don’t sound supportive. Recognizing their intention can help you respond with compassion instead of frustration.
9. Don’t Force Relationships with Family
Not every family bond will be close, and that’s okay. Perry advises not forcing relationships that don’t naturally develop. You don’t have to push it if you don’t feel particularly close to your parents or siblings. Keeping some distance rather than forcing a connection that isn’t there is okay. You can’t choose your family; friends are often our chosen family.
10. Apologizing Doesn’t Make You Weak
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Saying “I’m sorry” is crucial for healthy relationships, but many avoid it. Perry emphasizes that apologizing doesn’t weaken you—it strengthens the bond. Whether with children, partners, or coworkers, owning up to mistakes and apologizing creates a culture of accountability and mutual respect.
11. Accept the Highs and Lows of Parenting
Dr. Emma Svanberg, a clinical psychologist, told The Guardian that parents often have to let go of the idealized version of the parent-child relationship that they expected. Accepting your child for who they are, even if they don’t match your hopes, is essential. Embracing both the highs and lows of parenting will help foster a healthier connection with your child.
12. Reconnect During Pull Your Hair Out Parenting Moments
Svanberg suggests looking back at earlier memories when parenting feels tough to regain perspective. Reflecting on sonogram photos or recalling moments when you felt joy in your child’s presence can help shift your mindset, allowing you to focus on the connection rather than the challenges.
13. Reboot Yourself First, Then the Relationship
Grounding yourself before attempting to mend the relationship after a tense argument, whether with a child, partner, or friend, is essential. Svanberg recommends taking time to regain your sense of calm before trying to reconnect. This allows you to hold space for the other person’s emotions without letting your frustrations get in the way.
14. Schedule Family Planning Meetings
Friction often arises over logistical issues, particularly in busy families. Svanberg suggests holding regular family meetings to discuss schedules and responsibilities. By involving everyone in the planning process, you reduce stress and resentment, which can improve overall family dynamics.
15. Don’t Rush to Resolve Conflicts
People often want to solve conflicts quickly, but Marshall advises taking time. Some issues—such as differing incomes or conflicts with in-laws—can’t be resolved in one conversation. Allow space to revisit the issue multiple times so both sides feel understood and solutions can emerge naturally.
