There Are Amazing Guys Out There — You’re Just Picking The Bad Ones

There Are Amazing Guys Out There — You’re Just Picking The Bad Ones ©iStock/nensuria

When you’re perpetually single, it’s so easy to wonder if there are any good guys left. You hit the bars and all you see are players. You go on a few dates and all you’re left with is a broken heart. It can start to feel like monogamy is dead and love is all about sex. Despite what you might think, there are still good guys out there — you’re just not looking in the right places.

  1. You’re attracted to the bad. The whole bad boy mojo really gets you going. It’s something every girl goes through at some point, but you should’ve grown out of it by now. After a while, the bad boy BS just gets old — or at least it should. You need to want a guy who’s better than that. You need to believe you deserve better than that and until you do, you’ll never land yourself one of the good guys.
  2. You see them as “just friends.” Every time you meet a good guy, you cast him aside as only friendship material. Despite the fact that he’d be a far better boyfriend than the guys in your roster, you just don’t see him that way. You still want the players. You still want the guys with dozens of girls’ numbers in their phone. You don’t want the good guys — you just want a bad boy to be good for you.
  3. Deep down, you’re not over the game. If you really want to find a good guy and settle down, then you have to get over the game. Good guys don’t want to play games and they’re not into drama. What you really need to do is give up the games once and for all so you can be excited by the passion of true love.
  4. You ignore red flags. You still want to believe that the bad boys can “change,” so despite the fact that some great guys are right in front of your face, you continue to ignore them in favor of being a fixer. You need to stop giving every guy more than the benefit of the doubt and start seeing him at face value. In order to get played, you have to be a willing participant of the game. You’re too smart for that, so stop playing dumb.
  5. You’ve painted a picture in your head of who your soulmate should be. You’ve given this mystery man too many details, making it impossible for any real life male specimen to measure up to your high standards. You have to face the fact that you can’t dream up love in your head. When you finally meet the one, he’ll be nothing like what you imagined — he’ll be better, as long as you give him a chance.
  6. You don’t really know what “good” is. A guy might be “good,” but no one will be perfect. You want a guy who’s perfect for you, not one who’s just plain perfect. Perfection is boring. It’s the flaws that make a person complex and keep you interested. Stop judging the book by its cover and just give it a damn good read.
  7. You’re looking in all the wrong places. That charismatic charmer you meet at the bar is most likely just a player; the good guy might be a little shyer. There’s a thin line between cocky and confident. It should be obvious that the guy that’s shouting his mouth off about why he deserves to go home with you isn’t one of the good ones. If you don’t want to be just another notch in some guy’s belt, then stop looking for the guys out in the open because the diamonds are always hidden in the rough.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.