Intimacy is not something everyone knows how to handle. You might think you’re ready for a close, connected relationship, but certain habits and patterns hold you back. These could be signs that you’re secretly afraid of getting too close, so you unintentionally push people away. If any of these ring true you might be terrified at the thought of intimacy.
1. You Move Too Fast or Slow in Relationships
You either dive in headfirst, trying to fast-forward to instant closeness, or you drag your feet and keep things casual for way too long. Both ways avoid real intimacy—either by skipping the hard work of building it slowly or delaying the commitment that true closeness requires.
2. You Keep Conversations Surface-Level
ShutterstockYou probably stick to safe topics like work, TV shows, or what’s trending on social media. It feels easier to keep things light and maybe fun, but you avoid those serious, emotional talks deep down. Getting honest with someone can feel risky, so you steer clear of anything that might make you vulnerable.
3. You Ghost When Things Get Serious
The minute a relationship starts to get more serious—emotionally or physically—you tend to pull back. Maybe you ghost, or suddenly you’re “too busy.” It’s not that you don’t like the person, but the idea of getting too close freaks you out, so you retreat.
4. You Make Jokes When During Emotional Moments
If you always throw in a joke when someone starts to open up, it’s probably because feelings make you uncomfortable. Humor can be an excellent tool for connection, but if you’re constantly using it to avoid deeper conversations, it’s likely a sign that you’re dodging emotional intimacy.
5. You’re Hyper-Focused on the Perfect Relationship
ShutterstockYou’ve convinced yourself that everything must be perfect before you can open up to someone. Whether you need to feel better about yourself or ensure the relationship is flawless, you set impossible standards to avoid the messiness of real connection.
6. You’re Too Busy Being Super Independent
You pride yourself on being super independent, maybe even to the point of pushing others away. Being self-sufficient is great, but if you constantly insist that you don’t need anyone, it might be a way to avoid the vulnerability that comes with depending on someone emotionally.
7. You Keep Your Options Wide Open
You might be dating around or keeping things casual because committing to one person feels like a big risk. By not getting too tied down, you protect yourself from getting hurt—but you’re also avoiding the chance to connect with someone on a deeper level.
8. You Struggle to Express Your Feelings
When it comes time to talk about your feelings, you freeze up. You might avoid saying “I love you” or having trouble expressing your emotions. This can be a way to keep things safe and prevent getting too close, even if part of you wants that connection.
9. You Side Step Conflict
You go out of your way to avoid arguments, even if it means brushing issues under the rug. Conflict threatens your relationship, so instead of dealing with problems head-on, you avoid them. But this keeps you from addressing real issues and getting closer to your partner.
10. You Put an Ocean Between You and Others
You’re friendly and social but put up walls when truly letting someone in. You may have a lot of friends, but not many people know the real you. You keep relationships at a safe distance to avoid getting hurt or being vulnerable.
11. You Overanalyze Every Interaction
Do you replay conversations in your head, wondering what your partner meant? Overthinking can be a defense mechanism. If you’re constantly dissecting interactions, you often try to find reasons to stay guarded rather than letting yourself relax in the relationship.
12. You Distrust People’s Intentions
If you constantly question people’s motives, it’s a way to protect yourself. Maybe you’re worried someone will hurt you or take advantage of you. This distrust keeps you from fully letting your guard down and connecting with someone.
13. You Gravitate Toward Emotionally Unavailable Partners
If you consistently go for people who aren’t available—whether in another relationship or just emotionally distant—it’s because you’re unconsciously picking people who match your fear of intimacy. It’s safer to fall for someone who can’t fully commit because you won’t have to either.
