Marriage is a huge commitment, and it shouldn’t be rushed into. We all know that when we’re thinking rationally, but sometimes life throws us curveballs that make us momentarily lose our rationality and veer towards the unforeseen future. It can be tempting to take a premature walk down the aisle, but it’s not always a good idea to take that leap. These are some of the worst reasons to hurry into a marriage.
- You unexpectedly became pregnant. It’s a scary circumstance to find yourself in, but that’s no reason to rush into a marriage before you know if your partner is really spouse material or perhaps just co-parent material (or, worse yet, deadbeat sperm donor material). I’ve known people who married for this reason, and it rarely ends up being one of those “happily ever after” stories. You absolutely should hold your partner accountable for the pregnancy and insist on having their support, but don’t get married unless you’re sure you want to marry them for the right reasons. If you choose to carry the pregnancy to term, you’ll have plenty of time to gauge whether or not the relationship is right.
- You’ve been in a long-term relationship and it just seems like the next logical step. A long-term relationship and a marriage are two completely different animals; one can be dismantled in a matter of days, while the other is much more complicated to disintegrate. Even if you’ve been in a long-term relationship for years, you still need to consider if your partner is marriage material or if you’ve just become comfortable. I was with my ex for nine years, and I thank my lucky stars every single day that we never got married because it would have been a terrible marriage and a worse divorce. There’s nothing wrong with taking your time and determining if the relationship is right before running down the aisle.
- Your family won’t get off your back about when you’re getting hitched. They mean well, but your folks come from a different era, a time when marriage was more of a social arrangement than an actual romantic commitment. Couples were barely allowed to get to know each other before the wedding, and that’s not a good start to any marriage. It’s perfectly acceptable to brush off their interrogations by reminding them that you’ll get married when you’re ready and the time is right; it’s not okay for them to rush you based on antiquated societal norms.
- Your religion or your parents’ religion expects you to marry before you’ve had sex or lived with your partner. There’s nothing wrong with getting married before you’ve been intimate or lived together if that’s what you want, but you shouldn’t feel pressured to adhere to old religious myths when it’s your future happiness at stake. If you don’t feel comfortable marrying someone without knowing what the sex will be like, that’s completely fair (and really smart). Religion has a tendency to prioritize dated ideologies over actual human experiences, and you’re not a terrible person if you refuse to fall victim to those outdated expectations.
- You just want to do something spontaneous. You’re getting drunk with your significant other and suddenly he blurts out “Let’s get married!” It seems really romantic and spontaneous in the moment, but you should think twice before shouting “YES!” from the rooftops and heading over to the little chapel in Vegas. You need to consider how long you’ve been together, how much you know about him, and if you’ve discussed your life goals as a couple. One night of spontaneity could cause a lot of problems down the road.
- You like the idea of marriage, but you’re already planning the divorce if it doesn’t work out perfectly. If you’re going into a marriage already thinking of the worse case scenario and telling yourself that divorce is a perfectly acceptable outcome, you really shouldn’t get married. Marriage isn’t always easy; the entire point of making such a huge commitment is that you agree to stick it out when times get tough (with exceptions for blatant violations such as cheating and abuse, obviously). You’re bound to disagree sometimes and it won’t always be a walk in the park, but that’s why the vows exist. You agree to love each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, and until death claims you, not just until you get bored or irritated.
- Your partner wants to get married and they gave you an ultimatum. It happens all the time; people get sick of waiting for their significant other to land on the same page they’re on. It’s a perfectly fair expectation that relationship goals such as marriage should be discussed and agreed upon, but you shouldn’t get married if you’re not ready, even if it means losing someone special. You’re not doing them any favors by allowing them to drag you down the aisle kicking and screaming; you shouldn’t take that walk down the aisle unless you really want to. A marriage that begins with an ultimatum is far more likely to be unhappy because that ultimatum can breed long-term resentment.
- You’re trying to fix a broken relationship after someone cheated. If you choose to stay in the relationship after things go downhill in that manner, you have to attempt to rebuild the trust. Getting married isn’t a bandaid you can apply to close the wound and ensure it’ll never happen again. Going into a marriage without complete mutual trust is both a terrible idea and a quick route to divorce court.
- You want the monetary or legal benefits of marriage, like tax breaks, citizenship, or insurance. Especially for Americans, it’s tough getting by as a single person. If you’re self-employed or your employer doesn’t offer health insurance, it’s really expensive to obtain insurance. On top of that, there are tax breaks offered to married couples that single people don’t get. It can also be tempting to get married if you or your significant other isn’t a natural-born citizen, in order to speed up the citizenship process. These are all great perks if you’re marrying The One, but they’re not good reasons to marry just anyone. Those perks won’t seem so great when you’re living an unhappy day-to-day existence with someone you married purely out of convenience.
- You just want to throw an extravagant party and feel like a diva. You can make up any excuse to throw a fancy party if that’s what you really want; don’t have a wedding unless you fully comprehend the gravity of marriage vows and you’re sure you want to be married. That extravagant party will be over in a few hours, and then the rest of your life will begin; if the relationship isn’t right, you’ll be miserable.
