Sometimes, even if a guy is already treating you like his girlfriend, it feels like pulling teeth when you try to get him to commit to you. It doesn’t matter that you’ve been seeing each other for a ridiculously long time already or that the only thing keeping this from being a bona fide relationship is giving it a name — this dude is pulling every excuse in the book to explain to you just why he’s not all about making you his girlfriend. Here are a few of my favorite (or rather, least favorite) reasons guys say they can’t commit:
“I don’t want anything serious right now.” Nothing more serious than you practically living at my house, holding my hand in public, and texting me non-stop, you mean? Apparently, it stops being fun and games as soon as you slap a label on the damn thing.
“You’re not what I’m looking for in a girlfriend.” I’m only what you’re looking for in a “friends with benefits, but more than friends and not all about the sex” almost-girlfriend. I’m not perfect by any means, but I have to wonder what else you could possibly want in order to make things official with a woman. Does she need to have magic boobs? Is she required to literally be a younger, hotter, non-blood-related version of your mom? I’m just a bit confused as to what I’m missing here.
“I’m not looking to settle down.” If “wife” and “girlfriend” now share the same definition, nobody told me. Look, dude, I’m not asking for forever. I’m not even asking for a year. I just want to know that for the time we’re together, I don’t have to worry about you running around on me or treating me like a casual hookup. Calm down— your oh-so-promising future still has plenty of blank pages.
“I don’t have time for a girlfriend.” See, that’s funny because you seem to have plenty of time to get the girlfriend TREATMENT from me. There are some cases in which this might work — maybe you work two jobs, hit the gym every day, and are a part-time student to boot— but for some reason, the only guys I’ve heard using this excuse are the ones who have all the time in the world to spend with me until the idea of commitment gets brought up.
“I hate dealing with relationship drama.” Me too. That’s why I don’t create any. Besides, you’re stirring up much more drama by refusing to make this a real relationship than you would if you just agreed to eliminate the gray zone we have going on. I’m not a dramatic person; I just don’t like it when guys mess with my feelings.
“I don’t want to be tied down.” This one always cracks me up. It’s as though these guys think that by getting into a relationship, all his dreams are dead in the water. Guess what, bro? If you’re my boyfriend, it’s because I care about you. That means I want to lift you up and help you achieve all the awesome things you have in mind. I’m not the type to monitor your every move and tell you what you can and can’t do. In the future, if you decide that being with me is going to hold you back, go ahead and end it. But for now, stop pulling that BS excuse with me.
“I’d make a terrible boyfriend.” You’d think that would be for me to decide, but I guess not. It’s true that we sometimes tend to see ourselves in a lower light than other people do, but if this is all you can come up with as to why you can’t commit to me, you’ll need to do better. You’re not the one dating you, so if this is really your top concern, let me see for myself if you’d be a good boyfriend or not.
“I’m still traumatized by my last relationship.” If your last real relationship was a month ago, okay, I can see it. But if you’ve been single for two years and are trying to convince me that you still haven’t gotten over it, I’m not buying it. Some people really do mess us up emotionally. I’ve been there before. I get it. But using your ex as nothing but a scapegoat to avoid committing to someone else is just cowardly.
“I’m a lone wolf.” Yikes, I almost cut myself on all that edge. You’re not a lone wolf — you’re a human man who has spent the better part of two months “casually dating” me. You’re clearly not that much of a loner if you complain every night when I don’t stay over.
“I’m just not ready yet.” Exactly how much longer do you need before you ARE ready? I’m a patient woman and not even remotely the type to rush into things, so if I’m starting to issue ultimatums about commitment, you know it’s been a while. I’m not going to wait around forever while you twiddle your thumbs and mutter things about “eventually” and “soon, I promise,” so if you want me to stick around, you’d better be ready soon.
“I want to enjoy my youth.” It hasn’t seemed like I’ve been stopping you from doing that so far, but maybe I’ve had it all wrong. Maybe your idea of “youth” involved trying to have sex with every woman you see, and if that’s the case, all you have to do is tell me that you want to see other people. But acting like you’re avoiding committing because I’m somehow sucking the fun out of your life is not just only stupid — it’s offensive. Especially when you’ve said nothing negative about what we have going on.
“I’m bad news for you.” If you’d said this early on in our dating life, I might take it seriously. I appreciate it when people look out for me, even if they’re the person they’re trying to protect me from. But if we’ve gotten to the point of being in an almost-relationship, I guarantee I know enough about you to figure out if I could handle taking it a step further or not. If things were to go sour now, I’d feel just as crappy as I would if we were in an official relationship, so drop this dramatic “protector” act. It’s not making you look like a tortured hero — it’s just making you look like an idiot.
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