The idea that “love will find a way” is alluring in its own way. It implies that no matter what happens in your life and how much you try to stop it, you’re powerless against love. For those who want to find love, that should offer hope. It means that we shouldn’t give up because somewhere out there, the kind of relationship we’ve always dreamed of is waiting for us. Sadly, I feel like love might have taken a wrong turn trying to find its way to me.
I used to be a hopeless romantic
- I believed my “person” was out there somewhere. For a long time, I thought that if I just kept the faith, I would eventually find “The One.” I knew I would have to go on some bad dates before that happened, so I was okay with all the dating disasters. After all, if they ultimately led me to my soulmate, it would all be worth it.
- I trusted the universe to put the right guy in my path. I had this deep-seated faith that love would indeed find its way to me. I knew that I needed to put in the effort if I wanted to find a relationship, but I also knew that luck played a part. Ultimately, the powers that be, whoever they are, would make it so that we crossed paths. It was fate.
- I didn’t rush things and I stayed patient. I wasn’t unreasonable. It’s not like I expected to be married to my one true love with three kids by the time I was 25. I knew it was pointless to try and rush the process, so I didn’t. I waited so long, in fact, that I’m nearly 33 now and I’m still no closer to love. How long am I supposed to wait for it to find its way to me?
- I believed the power of love was strong enough to overcome anything. There’s nothing in this world that can stand up to love, right? It’s the be-all and end-all, and that’s just the way it goes. I legitimately believed that for a long time.
I did everything right
- I “put myself out there.” Every weekend, I was out at coffee shops, the green market, and bars. I joined a book club and took a French class after work. Anywhere I thought single guys might be, I was too. I knew the man of my dreams wasn’t going to come knocking at my door (though that would have been convenient). However, trying to go to them didn’t do me any favors.
- I did the work on myself. I truly believe that classic RuPaul adage about loving yourself before loving someone else. I knew that if I wanted to find love, I needed to make way for it. I needed to work through my issues and become the type of person I would want to date. It took years to do this and I have to say, I think I’m a pretty good catch.
- I kept an open mind. While a lot of people have a very detailed idea of how their grand love story is going to go, I never subscribed to that. While I knew the general type of guy I wanted to end up with, I decided to let the universe (yes, again!) send me whoever it saw fit. That was a mistake, I’ll say that.
- I gave guys the benefit of the doubt. Instead of assuming all guys are pricks out to do me wrong, I thought the best. I didn’t let my cynical side take over or write guys off too quickly. Of course, that ended up screwing me over more often than not, but I gave it a go.
- I stopped being so picky about things that didn’t matter. Like everyone, I have quirks and pet peeves that annoy the hell out of me. I tried to find a way to let go of those while looking for love. After all, as long as the big things were there — respect, consideration, affection — then all the little things weren’t important. I focused on the things that really mattered and found them in short supply.
Maybe “love will find a way” is a load of crap
- I’m chronically single. Despite doing everything right, here I am on my own. Because I’m not willing to completely abandon all standards and boundaries, dating opportunities are few and far between. I’m exhausted from putting so much effort into a process that’s producing so few results. In fact, it’s not producing any. I can’t even recall the last time I had a good date.
- The available guys out there don’t give me much hope. This is the big problem. I feel like women spend so much time thinking of every possible way to find love. Guys do not put in the same amount of effort. In fact, many of them barely put any in at all. Given the amount of cheating, ghosting, lying, and manipulation going on (among other things), I find it hard to even be upset about being single. It’s safe to say that I’m not really a hopeless romantic anymore.
- I feel like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. If I keep making finding love a priority in my life to the degree I have been, I’m going to start looking (and feeling) desperate. That’s my worry because that’s not attractive and definitely not how I feel. Then again, if I stop trying at all and just kinda let the cards fall where they may, I could end up spending the rest of my life alone. At this point, I’m not sure what’s worse.
