Is There Such A Thing As A Good First Date? Maybe Not

You reach a certain point in your single girl life when you have serious dating deja vu. Every date is the same as the last one: a big nothing. You start wondering if trying to find love is even worth it when each first date is so totally miserable. This begs the question: is there such a thing as a good first date? Here’s why it might not be possible and why it’s time to stop putting pressure on the first date:

  1. You’re total and complete strangers. It’s not easy to meet someone and instantly feel like you’re connected. Any kind of relationship takes time to build, from friends to co-workers to something more romantic. It’s extremely rare to walk away from a first date feeling like this guy is your one and only and soulmate and future husband. It happens, sure, but not all that often.
  2. You’re burnt out. If you went on a first date every once in a blue moon, then yeah, you might be in an awesome mood and be able to show off your amazing self. In reality, you go on tons of first dates and are finding it harder and harder to muster up the energy to be presentable. When you’re super burnt out from your dating life, it’s tough to have a good date — and it’s tough to know whether you like someone or not.
  3. You’re used to things not working out. You’ve been down this road before: getting your hopes up then having the worst date ever, or having a great time but never hearing from the guy again. When your first dates don’t result in anything even resembling second dates, it’s tough to think that any date goes well. The truth is that the guys you’re going out with feel the same way and are dealing with the same stuff, so taking the pressure off might be a better idea than expecting first date magic.
  4. You think too much. Usually thinking isn’t a bad thing, but when it comes to first dates, you’re so much better off if you can just live in the moment and let whatever happens happen. Overthinking things isn’t going to do much except totally freak you out. Good first dates might not be possible when you have a tendency to wonder about every little thing.
  5. You’re never in the mood. Go on enough crappy dates and you’ve got a date with only one thing: your couch. You’re never, ever in the mood to go out with anyone new, and when you do, you tell yourself it won’t amount to anything so you won’t get disappointed. All you want to do is get through the evening in one piece so you can head home and face-plant onto said couch while Netflix is on. But that kind of attitude is exactly why good first dates just don’t happen that often.
  6. You know anything can go wrong. You’re having an okay time… and then this guy starts ranting and acting like a total tool. You’re wondering if this might work out and then he brings up his ex and makes you realize that, nope, he’s not over her. Yup, anything can go wrong on a first date, and it sometimes does. This forces your guard way up and you don’t ever let it down, no matter who you’re going out with.
  7. Your head is full of horror stories. Your own, your best friends’ — everyone has told you how awful dating can be and that just adds insult to injury. When you walk up to a bar on a Friday night, it can be hard to focus on the moment and not think this guy is going to be like that creep you met last month. You wonder if it’s going to be a repeat of your Worst Date Ever and soon you’ve convinced yourself that it’s going to be. It’s really hard to forget the horror stories and have fun.
  8. You want to get serious. It’s unfortunate but it’s the truth: you’re looking for something serious, but most guys you’re going out with aren’t. At all. That means that most first dates won’t be much fun because you quickly figure out that you’re both on totally different pages. Oops.
  9. You need more than one date. Don’t beat yourself up because you rarely feel much on a first date. If the guy is decent and fun, it might take a few more hang-outs to see how you feel. You definitely know couples who weren’t sure about their partner right away but after a while, they were totally won over. That can happen to you.
  10. You need time to think. Sometimes you don’t even know if you had a good time until the date is totally over. There’s nothing wrong with saying you had fun and leaving the possibility of a second date open. You might need some time to think about whether or not you think this guy could be good for you. That’s more realistic than focusing on how you feel on the first date since you might be too nervous to know what’s really going on in your head.
  11. You keep looking ahead. When you’re focused on getting through the evening so you can enjoy your weekend or find another date if this one doesn’t go anywhere, then you’re getting way ahead of yourself. If you keep thinking about the future instead of living in the moment, you’re never going to have a good date. And while they may be super rare, you should never stop striving for them.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.