When a healthy, mature person realizes they’ve hurt someone, they take responsibility, apologize, and make things right. A narcissistic partner, on the other hand, does the exact opposite. Instead of owning up to their mistakes, they manipulate, deflect, and flip the script to make you question whether you were even wronged in the first place. Their goal isn’t resolution—it’s control. They want to shift the focus away from their behavior and onto your reaction, making you feel like the problem. And if you don’t recognize these tactics, you’ll find yourself apologizing for things they did, doubting your own feelings, and walking on eggshells to keep the peace.
1. They Create A Web Of Confusion To Dodge Their Wrongdoing
A narcissist will do anything to avoid taking responsibility, including turning the conversation into a circus of unrelated issues. If you confront them about a lie, they’ll bring up something you did last year. If you call them out on being disrespectful, suddenly the conversation shifts to how you “never appreciate them.” The goal is simple: exhaust and confuse you until you forget why you were upset in the first place. According to Psychology Today, “Narcissists often use confusion tactics to avoid accountability and shift blame onto others, creating a web of unrelated issues to exhaust and disorient their victims.”
To stand your ground, don’t let them derail the conversation. Keep bringing it back to the original issue and refuse to entertain distractions. If they start bringing up the past, calmly say, “We can talk about that later, but right now, we’re talking about this.” Narcissists thrive on chaos, so the best way to shut them down is to stay focused and refuse to be pulled into their web of confusion.
2. They Go Silent To Induce Anxiety
When a narcissist knows they’ve done something wrong, instead of apologizing, they punish you with silence. They withdraw affection, stop responding to messages, or act like you don’t exist, knowing full well that this will send you into a state of confusion and panic. They count on you filling the silence with self-doubt, overanalyzing what you did wrong instead of focusing on them. Their silence isn’t about needing space—it’s a calculated move to make you desperate for their attention.
As stated by the National Domestic Violence Hotline, “The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse used to punish, control, and induce anxiety in the victim.”
The best way to stand your ground? Don’t chase them. Let them sit in their silence while you continue living your life. If they see that their absence doesn’t shake you, they lose their power. Instead of begging for a response, recognize their behavior as manipulation and disengage. Your peace of mind is worth more than their toxic games.
3. They Accuse You Of Overreacting
When a narcissist wrongs you, they don’t just deny it—they make you the problem for reacting to it. They call you “dramatic,” “too sensitive,” or say you’re “blowing things out of proportion.” The message is clear: Your feelings are invalid, and I’m not responsible for my actions. Over time, this kind of gaslighting makes you second-guess your emotions and wonder if you are overreacting. According to Verywell Mind, “Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that often involves accusing the victim of overreacting or being too sensitive, causing them to question their own perceptions and emotions.”
But you’re not. If something hurt you, your feelings are real, and they matter. Instead of falling into their trap, remind yourself that downplaying your emotions is a classic manipulation tactic. Say, “I’m allowed to have feelings, and I won’t apologize for expressing them.” The more you stand firm in your emotions, the less power they have to distort your reality.
4. They Act Like You Owe Them An Apology
Instead of admitting their mistake, a narcissist will flip the situation and somehow make you feel like the one who should apologize. Maybe they’ll say your tone was too harsh when you confronted them, or that your reaction hurt their feelings. Before you know it, you’re the one saying “sorry”—even though they were the one who messed up. This tactic isn’t just unfair—it’s designed to make you feel guilty for setting boundaries. Psychology Today notes, “Narcissists often employ ‘reverse victim-offender’ tactics, where they portray themselves as the victim and demand apologies from those they’ve wronged.”
To counter this, don’t take the bait. If you didn’t do anything wrong, don’t apologize just to smooth things over. Say something like, “I’m not responsible for your reaction. I’m addressing what you did, and I won’t let this conversation be about anything else.” This forces them to sit with their actions instead of escaping accountability.
5. They Double Down On The Mean Treatment
If you call a narcissist out on their cruelty, they won’t feel remorse—they’ll escalate. Instead of softening, they’ll lash out even harder, saying things designed to cut deep. Maybe they’ll mock you, make you feel stupid for being upset, or even take the argument to a whole new level of toxicity. Their goal is to make you regret ever challenging them in the first place.
The best way to stand your ground? Refuse to engage. Narcissists want you to react because that means they still have control over you. The moment you stop feeding into their cruelty, their power weakens. Instead of retaliating, simply walk away. Let them sit in their own misery while you protect your peace.
6. They Physically Leave To Create More Emotional Distance
When confronted, a narcissist will often just leave—whether that means walking out of the room, storming off in anger, or even disappearing for hours or days at a time. This isn’t about needing space to process emotions; it’s about punishing you for holding them accountable. They want you to feel abandoned, desperate, and afraid of losing them. The hope is that by the time they return, you’ll be so relieved to have them back that you’ll drop the issue entirely.
To stand your ground, don’t chase them. If they walk away, let them. Instead of anxiously waiting for their return, focus on yourself. Go about your day, remind yourself that their silence is manipulation, not reflection, and refuse to engage when they come back as if nothing happened. The moment they see that their disappearing act no longer rattles you, they lose one of their most powerful control tactics.
7. They Pretend Nothing Happened And Act Like Everything Is Fine
Nothing messes with your head quite like confronting someone, only for them to completely ignore it and pretend it never happened. Narcissists will do this to make you question your own reality. Instead of acknowledging their wrongdoing, they’ll suddenly act like everything is perfectly normal. This isn’t because they’ve forgotten—it’s because they want you to feel crazy for still being upset.
To counter this, don’t let them dictate the narrative. If you’re still upset, you’re allowed to be. When they try to act like nothing happened, calmly bring it up again. Say, “I’m not going to pretend this didn’t happen just because you want to ignore it.” Narcissists thrive on denial, but when you refuse to let them rewrite history, their ability to gaslight you weakens.
8. They Play The Victim To Get Sympathy
If a narcissist can’t deny what they did, they’ll flip the script and make themselves the real victim. Maybe they had a tough childhood, maybe they’re “under a lot of stress,” or maybe you hurt their feelings by confronting them. Suddenly, instead of focusing on their bad behavior, you’re comforting them. It’s a masterful way of turning the tables—so much so that you might end up apologizing for even bringing it up.
To stand your ground, don’t fall for the guilt trip. You can acknowledge their struggles while still holding them accountable. Say, “I understand you’ve been going through a lot, but that doesn’t excuse what you did.” This keeps the conversation centered on their actions while shutting down their attempt to escape responsibility.
9. They Weaponize Your Insecurities Against You
A narcissist knows exactly what buttons to push, and they won’t hesitate to use your insecurities against you. If you call them out, they might mock something you’re sensitive about, saying things like, “No wonder nobody else puts up with you,” or “You’re too emotional, just like your mother.” They aren’t just lashing out—they’re strategically attacking your weak spots to break your confidence.
The best way to fight back? Recognize the tactic for what it is—manipulation. Instead of reacting emotionally, stay calm and call them out. Say, “Attacking me doesn’t change what you did.” When they realize they can’t rattle you with cheap insults, their power over you starts to crumble.
10. They Use Fake Apologies To Shut You Up
A narcissist’s apology, if they even bother giving one, is never sincere. It’s a tool to end the conversation on their terms, not a genuine act of remorse. They might say “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I guess I’m just a terrible person, huh?”—both of which shift the focus away from what they actually did. Their goal isn’t to make things right; it’s to make you feel guilty for expecting an apology in the first place.
To stand your ground, don’t accept a fake apology. If their words feel empty, say, “That’s not an apology. I need you to acknowledge what you did and take responsibility for it.” If they refuse, let that be your answer. A person who can’t sincerely apologize isn’t someone who values your feelings.
11. They Act Extra Nice To Make You Feel Guilty For Being Upset
Sometimes, instead of apologizing, a narcissist will suddenly become extra kind, affectionate, or generous. They might buy you a gift, shower you with compliments, or act like the perfect partner. This isn’t because they’ve changed—it’s because they want to confuse you into thinking you overreacted. The hope is that their “nice” behavior will make you question whether they even did anything wrong in the first place.
To avoid falling for this, remind yourself that manipulation can look like kindness. Watch for patterns—do they only treat you well after they’ve hurt you? If so, don’t let their sudden sweetness erase the issue at hand. Stand firm in your feelings and remember: love-bombing is not an apology.
12. They Threaten To Leave So You’ll Drop the Issue
When all else fails, a narcissist will threaten to leave to scare you into submission. They might say, “Maybe we just shouldn’t be together then,” or “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” They know that if you’re emotionally invested, this will trigger your fear of abandonment. Their goal is to make you so afraid of losing them that you’ll stop pushing for accountability.
The best way to handle this? Call their bluff. Say, “If that’s what you want, I won’t stop you.” Narcissists use threats to control you, but when you show them that you aren’t afraid to let them go, their power vanishes. A mature partner works through problems—a manipulative one runs at the first sign of accountability.
13. They Accuse You Of Not Loving Them
A narcissist wants you to believe that real love means tolerating their bad behavior. If you express hurt, they’ll twist it into your issue: “If you really loved me, you’d let this go.” They want you to feel like standing up for yourself is a betrayal, and they’ll use guilt to keep you in line.
To stand your ground, remind yourself that love and blind tolerance are not the same thing. A healthy relationship includes respect, accountability, and mutual effort. Say, “Loving you doesn’t mean accepting mistreatment.” If they can’t handle that, they don’t deserve to be in your life.
14. They Try To Get Others To Side With Them
If a narcissist feels like they’re losing control, they’ll recruit others to validate them. They might tell mutual friends or family members a twisted version of events, making you look unreasonable. The goal is to isolate you—so that when you stand your ground, it feels like you are the problem, not them.
The best response? Don’t engage in the smear campaign. The people who truly know you won’t fall for it. Instead of defending yourself to everyone, let your actions speak for themselves. Narcissists crave a reaction, so when you refuse to play along, you strip them of their power.
15. They Wear You Down Until You Give Up
If all else fails, a narcissist will simply wear you down. They’ll argue in circles, dismiss your feelings over and over, and make the conversation so draining that you eventually give up. And once you do? They take it as a win—proof that they can get away with their behavior as long as they outlast you.
To stand your ground, recognize when a conversation is going nowhere. If they keep repeating themselves, don’t engage. Say, “I’ve said what I needed to say. I’m not repeating myself.” Then walk away. The moment they realize their emotional exhaustion tactics no longer work, they lose their grip on you.
