I love my boyfriend with all my heart, but there are some things that he does that just make me cringe so hard inside. He’ll never know how annoying these seemingly innocent things are to me because I don’t plan on telling him, but oh man, it’s bad.
- He eats a garlic knot then kisses me. At first I didn’t mind if he kissed me with stinky breath because, well, I was in love and love makes people do crazy things. He’s still doing this, though, and it’s beyond old. My boyfriend just doesn’t understand how disgusting it is to be kissed by someone who just ate a junk ton of garlic. It might taste good to him, but to the unsuspecting receiver, it’s a nasty surprise.
- He cries over minor things. I hate that I this annoys me because I don’t like how society has forced men to keep their feelings inside and shames them for crying, but I just get this cringy feeling when my boyfriend cries—especially when it’s over something super minor like making a mistake at work or getting in trouble with his parents.
- He calls me “dude.” I don’t know why but whenever he calls me “dude,” even as a joke, I just can’t stand it. It doesn’t seem right to me. Maybe it’s because I’m actually not a dude, I’m his girlfriend. It seems a little out of place and weird to me.
- He talks about his exes. It doesn’t even matter how long we’ve been together—anytime he mentions any of his exes, I’m just like, don’t even. I hate it and I don’t understand why he hasn’t gotten the hint yet to stop.
- He’s really loud in bed. Sometimes he gets super vocal in bed and kinda moans like a girl, which I’m generally fine with… so long as he’s not louder than me. For some reason, I have this need to be the one to make all the noise in bed. Maybe it’s due to my biology as a woman or maybe I just want to have the last word. Either way, I just wish he would lower the volume on his sex noises and stop stealing my spotlight.
- He takes food off of my plate. We know each other well enough to share a bed but not plates, damnit! I’m weird with sharing food, mainly because I have food allergies and can’t really take stuff off of other people’s plates, so I get super annoyed when he takes my gluten-free breadsticks like it’s no big deal.
- He whines to his parents on the phone. Dang, this one is super cringe-worthy. Nothing will make me dry up faster than my boyfriend turning into a whiny 7-year-old before my eyes. For some reason, every time he talks to his mom on the phone, he turns into a pouty kid and that’s just so gross. Not a good look.
- He leaves terrible tips. Not only is this embarrassing for us in general, it makes me cringe like there’s no tomorrow. Anytime a guy is being cheap, I just want to curl up in the fetal position and cringe. There’s no excuse for leaving a crappy tip. I just shake my head and drop some more bills to cover up the shame so we can eat there again.
- He doesn’t wash his hands before sex. Man, I wish he wouldn’t touch me unless he’s washed your hands with some sort of anti-bacterial soap. I know we’re all made of the same star stuff or whatever, but I have no idea what kinda gross things he’s been doing all day. That pole he was holding onto on the subway could have been peed on by a dog. I can never be too safe.
- He tells the same jokes over and over again. Don’t get me wrong, his jokes are funny as hell and I laugh my head off the first time I hear them. After a while, though, that laughter turns to eye rolls. I know he can’t help but bust out the zingers when we’re in a group, I just wish I didn’t have to listen to the same old lines over and over and over again.
- He “accidentally” flirts with the waitress. I know he’s just going on auto-pilot (or so he says), but I find it so cringe-worthy when he flirts with another girl while I’m standing right beside him. It’s like, “Hello! I’m right here!” I’ll never tell him to his face, but it’s incredibly annoying to me.
- He’s too rough “down there.” Not only does this make me cringe mentally but also physically. It hurts, man! Sometimes he gets a little too excited and goes down on me too long and too hard. Guys don’t seem to realize that we need a slow and light touch to get us going and only then can we handle some rougher strokes. I don’t have the heart to tell him, so for now, I’ll just cringe over it.
- He burps/farts really loudly. I actually think burping is kinda funny, but I also think it’s hard-wired into my female psyche to get annoyed over really loud burps and farts. Never thought I would ever write a sentence like that but here we are. I know he probably doesn’t have to do it that loud, he just does it to annoy me, I’m sure of it.
