Things He Definitely Doesn’t Care About During Sex

Things He Definitely Doesn’t Care About During Sex ©iStock/isitsharp

There are usually a million questions going through your head every time you have sex: Could he turn the lights out? Do you really have to take your bra off? Which position makes your ass look best? Not only do those things not matter, but they’re ruining the fun. The guy you’re with is getting laid, and that’s his main concern — that, and lasting long enough to get you off. I get it — it’s stressful wondering how you look and what he thinks, but he doesn’t actually care about any of these things when you’re having sex with them:

  1. Your spare tire. Who cares if you’re not perfectly toned or stick thin? He obviously thought you were hot. Trust him. When he looks at you, he sees the whole package, not a little extra cushion around the middle. Besides, sometimes it’s nice for him to have something to hold on to without him feeling like he’s going to break you.
  2. Boobs with a mind of their own. If you’re flat chested, they disappear. If you’re well-endowed, they slide around everywhere. Either way, it’s not flattering. Does he care? Hell no! He sees boobs. It doesn’t matter how big or small or how they’re moving. He’s honestly just happy to see real, live boobs.
  3. Bush or no bush. While I’ve never cared, I’ve listened to my friends agonize over whether they should shave it all off or not. Yes, some guys do have a preference, especially when it comes to oral. You can figure that out later. When you’re first hooking up, as long as you’ve got the parts he’s looking for, he doesn’t care if there’s a little hair or not.
  4. Having some stubble. I’m pretty sure legs have their own five o’clock shadow. It’s like the hair on your legs decides to instantly grow the moment you decide to have sex. Guess what? It happens. He understands. Odds are, he probably doesn’t even notice.
  5. Those embarrassing weird noises. The majority of guys have watched sex online and they know random noises happen. Sure, queefing isn’t the most attractive sound, but he’s thrilled he’s the one causing it. Laugh it off. It’ll just make you tighter and the friction even better.
  6. Your ‘O’ face. In your mind, you look just like a sex star. In reality, not so much. Don’t worry about it. He’s busy with his own big O. You don’t want to miss out on yours just because you were afraid of looking weird. He made you cum. He doesn’t care what your O face looks like.
  7. What you sound like during sex. Unless he’s afraid of waking his roommate, he’s not going to care if you moan, scream or whisper. Honestly, a little noise is a good thing to let him know how he’s doing. Just do what comes naturally and don’t worry about how it sounds.
  8. Stopping for a condom. With the exception of the obvious douchebags in the world, most guys don’t mind stopping for a condom. Speak up if he’s gotten distracted. He’ll be happy to slip one on to keep you both safe. If he complains, get up, get your clothes on and say goodnight.
  9. If he’s the best you’ve had. He might think about it later, but at the time, he doesn’t care who else you’ve been with or how great they were in bed. In his mind, he’s your one and only and obviously the best.
  10. Falling out of position. Muscles cramp and things slip. You will fall out of position sometimes. Laugh about it and keep going. As long as he’s still flying proudly, he’s not bothered at all. He’s just ready to get back in and try a new position.
  11. How strange a position makes you look. Oh no, let’s avoid doggy style because it makes your boobs look saggy or your butt seems too big. Give it a rest already. He’s gotten you naked, he’s obviously aroused, so just go with it. He thinks you look great no matter what position you’re in.
  12. Messed up hair and makeup. Just do me a favor here and always wear waterproof eye makeup. It’s one less thing to worry about. Plus, you really don’t want mascara running in your eyes. Now, for the obvious. Your hair is going to be tangled and frizzy if you’re doing it right. Your makeup’s probably going to be smeared and smudged from sweat. This just means the sex was great.
  13. How long it lasts. Okay, so he probably should care about this, but he’s honestly just trying to draw it out long enough to make sure you get yours too. He doesn’t go into it thinking “I’m going to make this last 30 minutes.” He’s going to do the best he can and hope that’s good enough.
  14. Needing some lube. Don’t freak out if you dry out during sex. It happens and it’s completely normal. Speak up and pause things long enough to lube up. He’s not going to think it’s weird. Plus, it’ll feel better for both of you and help keep the condom from breaking.

Quit letting stupid worries prevent you from enjoy sex. Get lost in the sensations and his naked body. For once, think like a man.

Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.