Things Extroverts Secretly Struggle With

Things Extroverts Secretly Struggle With

The stereotype paints extroverts as carefree social butterflies, immune to the inner complexities that trouble the rest of us. The truth, however, is a lot more nuanced. It’s really important to shatter those misconceptions and unveil the less obvious hurdles you face — the craving for deep connection, the need to dial it back, and the moments where even your bright energy fizzles out. Here are some of the biggest struggles you likely experience on a day to day basis.

1. FOMO on a whole different level

The fear of missing out hits you hard. If something’s happening, anything at all, and you’re not invited, it really hurts. You worry about whether people like you less or that you’re not on the “A-list” if you’re not constantly present, even if what’s happening isn’t even something that interests you or that you want to be a part of.

2. Craving validation

woman telling female friends a storyiStock

You thrive on positive feedback, so a casual conversation might not cut it. Deep down, you want people to notice and appreciate your unique spark. If you don’t actively get this social approval, your confidence may unexpectedly tank. You’re not doing anything wrong but it certainly feels like you are sometimes.

3. Not knowing when to pipe down

two women and man drinking at bar

Your enthusiasm isn’t always well-calibrated. Sometimes you dominate conversations or bulldoze over quieter personalities. It’s not intentional, but it can leave other people feeling unheard and you later cringe at your lack of self-awareness. Sometimes you have to know when to take a step back and be quiet for a while.

4. Oversharing and giving TMI

diverse group of friends laughing

Being an open book comes naturally. You want to connect on a real level, but there’s a line between “vulnerable” and “oversharing.” Blurring it might lead to awkward interactions or unloading on someone when they lack the mental bandwidth to support you. It’s okay to keep certain things to yourself, you know.

5. Struggling with focus

A smiling elegant African-American female using her smartphone while sitting on the cozy sofa in the living room.

You’re easily distracted by excitement. One new stimulating idea leads to another, and suddenly you’ve got a million projects going and none finished. Laser-like focus feels like a superpower you envy in others, while it remains a daily battle for you. You want to hone in on one thing at a time but it’s hard!

6. Being sociable when you’re down

Even those bubbly personalities face sadness, anger, and frustration. But you feel pressure to always be “on,” leaving no space for those heavier emotions. Bottling them up eventually backfires and you end up feeling completely overwhelmed and not at all happy.

7. When conversational lulls hit

Multi-ethnic group of friends laughing at funny message outdoor

Awkward silence makes you squirm. Your impulse is to instantly fill the gap with talk, even if it’s trivial or rambly. The issue is, this sometimes derails the chance for authentic, deeper interaction to naturally emerge. It’s okay to have a bit of comfortable silence every once in a while!

8. Craving depth beyond the surface

Small talk may fuel your social battery, but it’s just the warm-up act. You yearn for substantive conversations that reveal what’s beneath the everyday smiles. Sadly, these can be rare when everyone’s just skimming the surface. When you try to get a bit more serious, everyone either thinks you’re joking or that you’re being weird.

9. Overbooked social calendars

So many events, so little time! Your calendar fills up easily, and before you know it, you’re overbooked and emotionally exhausted. Constant high-energy socializing without downtime leads to crashing hard, draining your natural vibrancy. You love getting out and about, but even you have to admit sometimes you’re desperate for a weekend on the couch.

10. Needing to always be “entertaining”

serious blonde woman sitting on bed

People come to expect you to lighten the mood, crack jokes, and be the life of the party. It’s mentally tiring to feel responsible for always setting the atmosphere, especially on those days when you’re not feeling your most upbeat self.

11. Mistaking quantity for quality

A large friend group looks impressive, but sometimes it can feel superficial. While you have lots of fun acquaintances, those genuine, ride-or-die bonds of real depth and understanding may be less common.

12. Being labeled an attention-seeker

Alienation addiction. Group of girlfriends using smartphones together. Young people addiction to new technology trends. Youth, new generation internet friendship concept. Emotional isolation and depresion

Your naturally expressive personality can sadly earn you unfair labels. It hurts when people misinterpret your genuine desire to connect for a desperate need to be the center of attention.

13. Processing emotions later

You experience life so vividly in the moment that introspection isn’t always a priority. Sometimes your feelings play catch-up, hitting you unexpectedly hard when you finally pause and realize you’ve been running on adrenaline.

14. People thinking you’re hyper all the time

Your energy level is naturally higher, which is something other people either love or find draining. People often mistake excitement for hyperactivity, and their attempts to tone you down can leave you feeling misunderstood and suffocated.

15. Learning to just be

Constant stimulation becomes the norm, so true silence feels uncomfortable. The art of just being in the moment, without noise, distraction, or a future plan, is a skill many extroverts have to actively cultivate to find true mental balance.

Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.
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