In a world full of conversations, there’s a phenomenon that often goes unnoticed but can be seriously draining – conversational narcissism. It’s not about being self-absorbed in the traditional sense; instead, it’s about hijacking conversations and making them all about you.
What is conversational narcissism?
Conversational narcissism is basically when someone hogs the spotlight in a conversation, making it all about them. It’s like they’re constantly steering the chat back to themselves, no matter what you’re talking about. They might interrupt you, ignore what you’re saying, or just wait for their turn to speak instead of actually listening.
It’s like they’re the main character in every conversation, and everyone else is just a sidekick. They’re not really interested in a two-way street; it’s more like a one-way monologue with them as the star. It can be pretty annoying and makes you feel like you’re just talking to a wall that loves to talk about itself.
Even more obnoxious is the fact that conversational narcissists come in many different forms. Here are some types to look out for (and what to do about it when you notice them).
Types of conversational narcissists and how to deal with them
1. The Nonstop Self-Talker
One of the telltale signs of conversational narcissism is when someone just can’t resist turning every conversation into a monologue about themselves. Even when you’re sharing your experiences, they somehow manage to make it all about them. It’s like they have a radar for steering the discussion toward their own stories, accomplishments, and experiences. The result? You end up feeling like an audience member in their one-person show, rather than an equal participant in a meaningful exchange.
When you encounter a Nonstop Self-Talker, it’s essential to maintain a balanced conversation. Politely redirect the discussion back to your experiences when they dominate the conversation with their stories. You can also express your interest in hearing more about their experiences at another time, ensuring they feel valued while asserting your need to share your thoughts and feelings. Setting boundaries by asserting your right to contribute can help create a more equitable exchange of ideas and stories.
2. The one upper
Meet the “One Upper.” No matter what you’ve experienced or achieved, they’ve been there, done that, and have a more impressive story to share. Their goal is to always top the conversation with their own accomplishments. They have to win at everything. It’s not that they’re intentionally trying to diminish your experiences; they just can’t help themselves when an opportunity arises to make their achievements shine. This constant one-upmanship can leave you feeling overshadowed and less inclined to share your own successes.
Dealing with a One Upper involves acknowledging their accomplishments while preventing them from overshadowing your experiences. Politely express your interest in their achievements and then steer the conversation back to your own experiences or successes. Encourage them to share their accomplishments separately, so you both have the opportunity to shine when the time is right. It’s essential to assert your right to share your successes without being diminished by constant one-upmanship.
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4. The interrupter
The Interrupter can’t resist jumping into the conversation without letting you finish your point. They constantly cut off your sentences with their thoughts and ideas, showing little regard for your contribution. It’s like they have an urgent need to express themselves and can’t be bothered to wait for you to complete your thoughts. This habit can be not only frustrating but also a significant barrier to meaningful communication. After all, how can a conversation flow if one person is always interjecting?
When faced with an Interrupter, it’s crucial to assert your need for uninterrupted communication. Kindly request that they allow you to finish your point before they speak, emphasizing the importance of active listening. You can use non-verbal cues like raising your hand to signal your desire to speak. Patience and assertiveness are key when dealing with this type, guiding the conversation towards a more balanced exchange.
5. The empathy vacuum
When you’re going through a tough time and need someone to listen, the last thing you want is an empathy vacuum. They may nod along, but it’s clear they’re more interested in talking about their experiences than understanding yours. It’s not that they lack empathy altogether; it’s just that their own experiences often take center stage. This can leave you feeling unheard and unsupported, especially when you need someone to lend a compassionate ear.
Addressing the Empathy Vacuum involves politely expressing your need for their support and empathy when you’re going through a tough time. Use open-ended questions to encourage them to listen more actively, fostering a more empathetic conversation. Share your feelings and experiences assertively to ensure that you are heard and understood, even when their experiences tend to take center stage.
6. The conversation dominator
Conversational dominators have a knack for steering discussions in their direction. They subtly (or not-so-subtly) change the topic to something related to their own interests or experiences, leaving you wondering how the conversation went from your new pet to their latest vacation. They often possess a strong need to maintain control over the direction of the conversation, making it challenging for others to share their thoughts and stories. This can lead to frustration and a sense that your contributions are undervalued.
Managing a Conversation Dominator requires a gentle approach to steering discussions back to the original topic or allowing others to contribute. Politely guide the conversation back to the subject at hand and set boundaries by stating your interest in discussing various perspectives. Encourage equal participation from everyone to ensure that no one’s contributions are undervalued.
7. The non-listener
This type of conversational narcissist barely listens to what you’re saying. They’re so preoccupied with their thoughts that they miss the nuances of your words. It’s like talking to a wall. It’s not that they’re intentionally dismissive; rather, their inability to fully engage in active listening can create a disconnect in the conversation. As a result, you might feel like your thoughts and feelings aren’t being acknowledged or valued.
Dealing with the Non-Listener involves expressing your desire to be heard and understood. Kindly communicate your need for their active listening and engagement. You can also choose moments when they seem more receptive to engage in deeper conversations, ensuring that your thoughts and feelings are acknowledged and valued.
8. The unsolicited advice giver
You share a problem or challenge, and suddenly, they’re dishing out unsolicited advice. While it might come from a good place, it often feels like they’re more interested in showing off their wisdom than genuinely helping you. They tend to jump into problem-solving mode without considering whether you’re seeking advice or simply looking for someone to listen and empathize. This can leave you feeling like your struggles are being minimized, as if they believe they have all the answers.
When confronted with the Unsolicited Advice Giver, clarify your needs in the conversation. Kindly express whether you’re seeking advice or simply looking for someone to listen and empathize. While appreciating their advice, assert your autonomy in decision-making and set boundaries to ensure your struggles are not minimized.
9. The “me too” syndrome
It’s great when someone can relate to your experiences, but the “Me, Too” syndrome takes it to another level. They’ll hijack your story with their own similar experience, often overshadowing your feelings and thoughts. While they may intend to show empathy by sharing their own related experiences, it can sometimes come across as if they’re trying to redirect the conversation back to themselves. This can make it challenging for you to feel truly heard and understood.
Handling the “Me, Too” Syndrome involves politely redirecting the conversation back to your experiences or feelings when they tend to hijack your story with their own. Acknowledge their efforts to relate but assert your desire to share and be heard. Encourage them to share their experiences separately if they are relevant to ensure a balanced conversation.
10. The dismisser
When you try to express your feelings or concerns, the dismiss-er is quick to downplay them or change the subject. Your emotions don’t seem to matter as much as their agenda for the conversation. It’s not that they’re intentionally trying to invalidate your feelings; they may genuinely struggle with emotional sensitivity. However, this dismissive behavior can leave you feeling unheard and unsupported, especially when you’re seeking understanding and empathy.
Addressing the Dismiss-er means kindly expressing your need for understanding and empathy. Share your emotions assertively to emphasize their significance to you, even when they attempt to downplay them or change the subject. Choose moments when they seem more receptive to emotional discussions to ensure your feelings are acknowledged and respected.
11. The monopolizer
The monopolizer never gives anyone else a chance to speak. They monopolize the conversation with their endless tales, leaving little room for others to contribute. It’s not that they intend to dominate the discussion; rather, they might have a strong desire to be the center of attention or simply enjoy sharing their stories. However, this habit can lead to frustration among others who feel like they’re not getting a chance to participate fully in the conversation.
When dealing with the Monopolizer, gently encourage others to share their thoughts and experiences. Set time limits for each person’s contributions, particularly in group settings, to ensure that everyone has a chance to participate fully. Express your appreciation for their stories while asserting your desire to hear from others.
12. The redirector
Bringing up a topic you’re passionate about? Well, the redirector has a talent for steering the conversation away from your interests and toward their own preferred subjects. They may not realize they’re doing it, but their tendency to shift the discussion can leave you feeling like your contributions aren’t valued. This can be especially frustrating when you’re trying to share something meaningful to you.
Managing the Redirector requires polite redirection of the conversation back to your interests when necessary. Share the significance of the topic to you, emphasizing its importance. Encourage separate discussions on their preferred subjects, ensuring that your contributions are valued and heard.
13. The attention seeker
Lastly, we have the attention seeker. They crave the spotlight in every conversation, ensuring that all eyes (and ears) are on them. Your thoughts and feelings take a backseat to their need for attention. It’s not that they’re intentionally trying to overshadow you; they often have a deep desire to be noticed and validated in social interactions. However, this constant need for attention can leave you feeling overlooked and unimportant in the conversation.
Dealing with the Attention Seeker involves redirecting the spotlight to others by asking about their experiences and acknowledging their need for attention without allowing it to overshadow others. Set boundaries to ensure that everyone has a chance to contribute and that your thoughts and feelings are not overlooked.
