8 Things Guys Value In A Relationship Besides Sex, According To A Guy

Generally speaking, guys tend to put a little more emphasis on sex than women, but that doesn’t mean it’s all we care about. To prove that we’re not all shallow, sex-obsessed monsters, here are some of the things guys value in a relationship besides sex.

  1. Reassurance If you haven’t noticed, most guys tend to have big egos. However, those egos can also be fragile, especially when we take a leap of faith and get into a long-term relationship. As a result, one thing guys value in a relationship is a little reassurance. We need to be reminded every now and then that our partner finds us attractive, likes us for who we are, and that you need us. I’m not saying guys need a non-stop parade of compliments, but we do want a partner who will remind us every now and then that we’re important to them.
  2. Physical connection Not all physical contact needs to be sexual but affection is something a lot of guys need in their relationship. It could be a kiss, a hug, or a simple rub of the shoulders—guys want some kind of physical contact with our partner just to remind us that you care. Some guys who don’t get enough physical affection from their partner will push for sex as a way to get the physical connection they want. However, it’s possible to get this connection with a partner without wanting to have sex 24/7.
  3. A little space Honestly, most guys are cool being in a relationship despite our reputation for being commitment-phobes. We just need that relationship to come with a little space. We don’t want to feel smothered and we don’t like it when you get jealous that we have a life outside of the relationship. Frankly, most of us would prefer a relationship with a little bit of space than one that’s non-stop sex. As long as we have some breathing room and can find a good balance between our relationship and the rest of our life, we’re usually good. If that balance is missing, we’ll start to show signs of needing a little alone time.
  4. Surprises One reason guys may tend to avoid relationships is the perceived monotony. Just as you ladies do, we want life to remain exciting and just a little unpredictable. That’s why we value a relationship that has surprises and spontaneity. For most guys, a great relationship is one in which both partners are looking for ways to surprise the other and keep things fresh. If nothing else, most guys want a partner who’s cool with being surprised and isn’t too uptight about that kind of stuff.
  5. Laughter Sex starts and ends but the laughter in a relationship can be non-stop. Admittedly, that’s a little corny but it’s also true. As long as two people can laugh together, a relationship stays fun regardless of how much sex that couple is having. It’s important for both people in a relationship to maintain a good sense of humor. Also, because guys can be a little insecure, it helps to tell us that we’re funny every now and then.
  6. Understanding We’re going to screw up and make mistakes sometimes—we all know this is inevitable. But for guys in a relationship, it’s important that we’re forgiven and offered a bit of understanding from our partner when this happens. No one wants to feel like their partner is holding a grudge against them. We also don’t want to feel like we’re with someone who can’t get past a transgression we made, even if it’s a major one. That’s way more important than anything that happens in the bedroom.
  7. A companion Of course we want a partner who likes to sleep with us but we’re even more interested in someone who’s fun to spend time with because we want that connection. The key, aside from just finding the time, is to do things both people will enjoy. At times, both men and women have to be cool with doing things their partner enjoys even if they don’t like it. But most of the time together should be spent doing things both parties like. If that’s not happening, guys will see sex as one way to find that connection with our partner. It doesn’t have to be this way! We probably have a lot of things in common so we should focus on them.
  8. Trust This shouldn’t be breaking news, but trust is perhaps the most important thing in a relationship. It may not always seem that way from a guy’s perspective but it’s true. Let’s face it, being in a relationship requires a leap of faith from both people. Guys need to trust that our partner is going to stick around for the long haul just as much as women do. Ultimately, having that trust in a relationship is far more important than sex.
Bryan Zarpentine graduated from Syracuse University and lives in upstate New York, where he writes largely about the world of sports. His work has appeared on Franchise Sports and WSN, among others. You can find him on Twitter @BZarp.