Things That Happen When You’ve Given Up On Love

No matter how much dating sucks, you can usually get through it by telling yourself that it will be worth it when you fall in love. When get to the point that you don’t think that’s a possibility for you, that completely changes things. It’s not long before you’ve given up on love. When that happens, your life starts to look a whole lot different.

  1. You get overwhelmed by the idea of first dates. In theory, you totally get that if you want to find love, you have to go on a first date. In reality, you’re freaking out about it. You’re not sure that love is even possible, so you’re definitely not convinced that going on a first date is even worth it. Why would you bother—so you can go on a second date that goes nowhere? So you can get into another almost relationship? No, thank you.
  2. You always think someone is playing you. When you’ve given up on love, this is the only conclusion to be drawn.It’s tough to trust the new guys that you meet when you don’t think that love is real. Even if you meet a seemingly nice dude, you figure he must be hiding something. Maybe he’s pretending to like you so he doesn’t hurt your feelings. Or, maybe he’s trying to make himself feel better. You just don’t buy that anyone actually cares about you, and that really sucks.
  3. You don’t believe your coupled-up friends are happy. When your BFF swears that she’s found her soulmate, you don’t think that’s true. You wonder if everyone in a relationship is simply pretending to be content with their situation. How can people really be content and in love?
  4. You forget what it’s like to be in a relationship. It’s been so long, you don’t think you would even know how to act like a girlfriend. You wonder if you would seem clingy or way too distant. It can be tough to muster up the courage to date. Starting a new relationship doesn’t seem like something that will ever happen for you.
  5. You wonder if you’ve become selfish AF. Since you’re forever single, your life is all about you. From your yoga classes to your job to your drinks dates with friends, your schedule is super packed at all times. While you love your life, you hate how selfish you feel on a regular basis. It’s basically an occupational hazard of the solo life.
  6. You think it’s your fault. It’s comforting to know that other single women are going through the same crap that you are. And yet, you still think there must be something about you that keeps you single AF. Are you hard to love? Is there something wrong with you? No matter how strong and independent you are, these thoughts creep up on a daily basis and it’s tough to stop them.
  7. You ignore good advice. Your friends and family only want you to be happy. You might be super annoyed when they ask how your dating life is going or if you’re seeing anyone but they’re just trying to help. When someone gives you advice, you shrug it off. Since you don’t believe in love, you don’t think that they have anything useful to tell you. That’s a shame because they might actually have something helpful up their sleeve.
  8. You never open up. Sure, you don’t want to spill your soul or get deep into your childhood on a first date, but you do want to share some parts of yourself. If you don’t allow people to get to know you, you might as well forget about dating. Not believing in love means that you never allow yourself to get vulnerable—and that closes you off from finding love. It’s pretty much the worst Catch-22 ever.
  9. You delete your dating apps over and over. One day, you’re convinced that today is the day that you’re going to find love; the next, you hate Tinder with a passion. Your constant flip-flopping over whether dating apps are worth using seriously drives you mad. You’re left with a ton of negative feelings and that’s not helpful at all.
  10. You stress yourself out before every date. Everyone knows that dates aren’t always magical and fun, and when you’ve given up on love, they seem kinda pointless too. That doesn’t mean that you need to give yourself an ulcer before each and every one. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what you do. You ask yourself why you’re even meeting a new guy at a bar when you don’t think that a love connection is in your future. Those self-defeating thoughts only start another cycle of disappointment.
  11. You reject guys that could be worth getting to know. What’s the point of saying yes to grabbing a few drinks when you don’t think that this guy is going to be your one and only? Yeah, if you had a crystal ball and knew that the date would be a waste of time, then saying no would make sense. That’s not exactly the case. Your cynicism is definitely putting a cramp in your dating style and if you could just be open-minded, you just might find the right guy.
  12. You know that something is missingYou can tell yourself that you love your life and don’t need a relationship all that you want. When you’ve given up on love, you can’t help but have the sneaking suspicion that something is missing… and that something is a sense of hope that you’re worth loving. Until you can believe in that again, you’re going to be pretty unhappy, and that’s just the truth.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.