Self-awareness is the ability to look at yourself and examine your thoughts, actions, and emotions with objectivity to arrive at a more in-depth understanding of who you are and how to respond appropriately to situations. Although some people are naturally more self-aware than others, everyone can cultivate better self-awareness by doing or avoiding certain behaviors. Here are some of the things that highly self-aware people stay away from.
1. People who don’t align with their values
As Psychology Today points out, you have to choose your friends wisely for various reasons, not least of which because they influence your choices. People with high levels of self-awareness don’t bother being in community with people who don’t share the same values or world views as them. They don’t waste time trying to change people or convince them of their worth. They go where they are appreciated and supported. They hang with people who energize them and not those who drain their energy.
2. Passing judgment on themselves
Self-aware people understand that they’re not perfect. They have their flaws. They say and do the wrong things sometimes. They accept that without letting it define them. When they fall short of expectations, they reflect on the situation and the role they played in it. They lead with grace, instead of judging themselves for making the wrong moves or for things that are out of their control. According to a study by researchers at Northwestern University, self-aware people are better at recognizing their emotions and how they might be impacting their behavior.
3. Worrying about what other people think
When you’re highly self-aware, you become very attuned to your needs. You know what matters to you and what doesn’t. You know that how you see yourself matters far more than other people’s opinion of you, so you don’t devote unnecessary effort trying to please others. You don’t let people put you in a box. You set your own rules for your life and prioritize what brings you joy over external expectations.
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4. Evading accountability
Because self-aware people take the time to look inwards and objectively interpret their experiences, they’re better able to when they’re at fault and take responsibility. They can see how the actions they take contribute to the outcomes they get and make improvements where needed, instead of shifting the blame to other people or factors.
5. Wallowing in regrets
So what if you took longer to get through school or failed at something you really wanted to succeed at? So what if you cheated on or broke things up with your favorite ex or gave too many chances to someone who couldn’t stop hurting you? Past mistakes don’t make you a fool or a failure. They don’t have to hold you back unless you let them. Self-aware people get this, so instead of sinking in regrets, they grieve these histories and deal with the underlying issues so they can do better the next time around.
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6. Dreaming instead of doing
A lot of us get caught up in wanting to do so many things and complaining about all the things standing in the way. We end up not doing most of these things because we’re afraid of all the uncertainty that lies beyond dreaming. Rather than falling into this mental trap, a self-aware person will simply accept that fear is a part of trying new things and begin anyway.
7. Situations that don’t serve them
If a highly self-aware person realizes that their career sucks, they don’t invest more years of their life in it. They start putting plans to enable them to quit and go after the job they’d rather be doing. They don’t stick around in unhealthy relationships hoping against the odds that things change. They value themselves and their time too much to dedicate them to things or people that aren’t right for them.
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8. Ignoring their feelings
Running away from your feelings only postpones them. They won’t go away. They’ll just keep bubbling under the surface until they erupt in unplanned and even inappropriate ways. Self-aware people are great at sitting with their feelings and interrogating the reasons behind those emotions. This allows them to respond to situations better and resolve conflicts once and for all.
9. Blaming other people for their faults
Mistakes do not always define you, especially when made with good intentions. Self-aware people know this, so they don’t waste time dwelling on what they’ve done wrong. They reflect on their actions and the motivations behind them, take the lesson, and strive to not repeat the mistake.
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10. Living in the past
Yes, life can be unfair. People can betray us in heart-wrenching and unimaginable ways. A self-aware person knows that just because they’ve been victimized doesn’t mean they have to stay a victim. They can choose to work through their baggage and write their own ending, rather than be defined by the things that happened or have been done to them. They don’t have to stay stuck in the past, and they won’t.
11. Internalizing results or rejection
One habit that self-aware people cultivate is not taking things outside their control personally. If a hundred people like their photos instead of a thousand, they don’t take it to mean that they’re not that pretty. If their job application or pitch gets rejected by multiple organizations, they don’t assume it’s because they’re unqualified. They know that these things are subjective and a matter of chance most of the time.
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12. Lying to themselves
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Self-aware people have a strong knowledge and understanding of themselves and their motivations. They know when a relationship isn’t working out or when their job has become a toxic hellhole. They can tell when they’re in love and why they’re really mad about something that happened. They don’t waste time deceiving themselves that they feel a certain way when it’s the opposite to keep from taking action.
13. Running away from difficult conversations
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Discussing subjects that carry emotional weight often forces us to confront truths that we’re unprepared for. This is why emotionally immature people actively avoid them and choose pretending and “preserving the peace” over communication. Self-aware people, on the other hand, don’t shy away from the hard discussions. They welcome the clarity and alignment these conversations bring.
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14. Obsessing over their failures and mistakes
When a self-aware person takes responsibility for a situation, they don’t spend the rest of the time beating themselves up over their mistakes. They don’t obsess over what they could have done differently or carry a badge of shame around forever. They accept what they can’t change, forgive themselves for the past, learn from the error of their ways, and keep moving forward.
15. Playing mind games
Self-aware people know what they want and what’s important to them, and they go after them. If it works out, great. If it doesn’t, they pick themselves up and move on. They don’t enjoy wasting time dancing around their needs. They don’t need to start drama to test how much someone likes them. They don’t need to break out Jedi mind tricks to get or keep your attention. They lead with openness and authenticity.
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