Here Are All The Things I’ve Gained After Losing You

Here Are All The Things I’ve Gained After Losing You ©iStock/AJ_Watt

Breaking up is never easy, even when you know it’s for the best. My worst breakup involved lots of drama and uncertainty, and of course the fear of losing someone I thought was going to be in my life for a while. I may have lost the future I thought we were going to have together, but the things I gained because of the breakup are worth a lot more than a fantasy that never really existed in the first place.

  1. A little more self-respect. It actually feels pretty good to know I have the strength and self-respect to end a relationship that isn’t good for me. The thought of being single can be scary, but I didn’t let that hold me back because I knew I could handle it. I’m not one of those people who will stay in a relationship just because I don’t want to be alone, and I’m proud of that.
  2. My freedom. When a relationship starts to go bad, I feel like I’m trapped, and that doesn’t help me want to work on our issues. Sometimes the issues are too big to be worked out anyway. Without you, I don’t have to worry about what the next day will bring and I don’t have to walk on eggshells 24/7. To say I’m kind of relieved you aren’t in my life anymore is an understatement.
  3. My sanity. There were times during our relationship that I felt like I didn’t have a solid grip on reality anymore. One minute I would think everything was fine, and the next I’d be wondering if I was in deniable about how bad things were. The constant uncertainty and second guessing myself was exhausting, so it’s nice to feel like I’m in control again.
  4. A better understanding of what I want. Even though we didn’t work out, I would never consider a relationship a waste of time. We had good times and I learned a lot about what I’m ultimately looking for in a partner and in a relationship. Now I understand myself better as well since there were a few mistakes I made along the way that I have no intention of making again.
  5. A whole lot of perspective. Seeing things from a distance has a way of changing your perspective. When I was smack dab in the middle of our relationship, I didn’t fully understand how much had been building up until it was too late to do anything about it. Now that I’ve had time to look back, I can see all the red flags I chose to ignore at the time, and I know I’ll never do that again.
  6. More time to focus on my career. Trying to save a doomed relationship took a lot out of me. I was constantly worrying about the last conversation we had, or wondering how I was going to say the things I needed to say to you and how you’d react. That didn’t leave a lot of time to focus on myself and my own goals. But now, I have all the time in the world to make sure I’m on the right path, and I intend to take advantage of it.
  7. A lot more hope for the future. The future was uncertain when I was with you. I had no idea whether our relationship would make it through even the next week intact, but at the same time it was hard to imagine what my future looked like without you in it. Now that I’ve had time to get over everything that happened, I’m excited to see where I’m headed next and to be honest, I’m pretty happy you won’t be there to bring me down.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to, contributes regularly to, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.