When my mom passed away, I knew I’d lost the most important person in my life, but I didn’t expect the pain to be so endless. I thought I would eventually begin to heal and move on, and while I have accepted her loss, I have never gotten over all the things I miss about her:
- Her voice. It sounds silly, but the sound of my mom’s voice was always so soothing. No matter how upset or angry I was feeling, just hearing the calm way she’d speak to me, her voice full of such love and genuine care, would always put me immediately at ease. I’d give anything to be able to hear that voice again, even once.
- The way she laughed. My mom had the most vibrant, infectious laugh that could put a smile on the face on even the most miserable person. Her laugh was full of such unbridled joy and love for life and was always one of my favorite things about her.
- Her cooking. There were family recipes my mom learned from her mother and her grandmother that she made for me growing up that I’ve never been able to replicate. Despite following the written instructions exactly (and oh, I miss the elegant swirl of her handwriting too), I can never seem to make food taste the way she could. If I could have one more meal cooked by her hands, I’d be happy.
- The way she was interested in everything about my life. No matter how stupid or insignificant the details of things happening in my life, my mom wanted to know. She cared about what I had for lunch and that the copy machine broke at work. All of it mattered to her; all of it was important. No one else has ever made me feel so valued.
- The way she always put me first. No matter what was going on in her own life or how hectic things were, if I called my mom, I knew she’d be there for me without a second thought. Everything else could wait — her daughter needed something and that was the most important thing of all. I was her baby and she would never let me forget that, no matter how old I got.
- Her hugs. I went through an awkward stage during my teenage years when I was embarrassed to be seen hugging my mom, and I’ve never gotten over my grief of that. If only I’d have known how much I would miss the feel of her warm arms around me, soft and protective and full of love, I would have hugged her tight and never let her go.
- The way she always knew the right thing to say. It didn’t matter what problem I was having or how far it was from her personal experience — my mom always had the perfect advice for any given situation. She never tried to steer me to do what she wanted me to do. Instead, she imparted words of wisdom that encouraged me to follow my heart and listen to my gut. I miss that guidance so much.
If you recently lost your mom and are looking for support, here’s a great resource: Motherless Daughters