If you’re someone who tends to overthink everything, you know just how obnoxious it can be when you get into a fixating spiral — not just to yourself, but to everyone around you. That being said, you’re aware that your tendency to overanalyze every little thing isn’t one of your best traits, but that doesn’t mean you want to hear people saying these things to you all the time!
1. “Just relax!”
If only it were that easy. Telling someone with an overactive mind to relax is like telling someone with a broken leg to just start running. Overthinking isn’t a choice – our brains are like runaway trains of thought, and sometimes it feels impossible to hit the brakes. Sometimes, just acknowledging that it’s tough can be more helpful than trying to offer a quick-fix solution.
2. “Don’t worry about it.”
That’s a lot easier said than done! Overthinking means we end up worrying about things that are totally minor and not a big deal, but we really can’t help it. Something little that most people think isn’t even worth a second thought can easily snowball into a full-blown disaster scenario for us. Instead of trying to shut down our worry, maybe offer a listening ear or a different perspective.
3. “It’s not a big deal.”
It might not be a big deal to you, but to an overthinker, it can feel monumental. We get that it might seem irrational from the outside, but our brains love to take things to extremes. It’s just how we’re wired. Even if you don’t understand the intensity, try to recognize that the feeling is very real for us, at the very least.
4. “Stop overthinking it.”
If we could, we would! This kind of comment minimizes what overthinking feels like for someone struggling with it. It’s like telling someone who’s drowning to just stop sinking – not exactly helpful, right? Sometimes the best thing you can do is just be patient and let the overthinking run its course.
5. “You’re overreacting.”
Just because we don’t react to things in the same way you do doesn’t mean we’re wrong or that our feelings aren’t valid. To us, it might feel like the only logical response to a brain going into overdrive. Our brains are hyper-alert and see potential problems and dangers around every corner. It’s exhausting! Our perception of the situation is our reality, even if it seems exaggerated to you.
6. “Why are you so sensitive?”
Overthinking can make people extra sensitive to comments or get their feathers ruffled by things other people might brush off easily. Our minds constantly analyze everything, so a simple statement can easily get blown out of proportion and send us into an emotional spiral. It’s not that we want you to handle us with kid gloves or anything, but it’s helpful to approach an overthinker with extra gentleness and avoid comments that could be misconstrued.
7. “You need to chill out.”
Another variation on the “relax” theme that’s unhelpful at best, frustrating at worst. Trust us, we want to chill more than anything! Sadly, sometimes (okay, most of the time) our brains just don’t seem to have an “off” switch. Instead of offering a direction we can’t follow, maybe try helping by creating a distraction or a calming environment.
8. “It’s all in your head.”
Yes, we know that. That’s kind of the problem. Our brains are our own worst enemies sometimes, conjuring up all sorts of anxieties and fears that can feel very real. Instead of pointing out the obvious, maybe offer a hug or a reminder that we’re not alone in this.
9. “Think positive!”
Toxic positivity can feel dismissive of the real struggles people with overthinking brains face. It’s not about “bad vibes” – it’s about a brain that’s wired to spot potential issues and fixate on them. Validating the difficulty is often more helpful than pushing for forced optimism.
10. “Let it go.”
If letting go of a worry were a switch we could flip, we would have done it long ago. However, overthinkers tend to obsess and dissect things until they feel totally resolved, which typically seems impossible. Sometimes it’s best to just sit with an overthinker in their worry, rather than trying to make it disappear.
11. “Why can’t you just be normal?”
This comment is really hurtful and completely disregards the fact that brains work differently for everyone. There’s no one “normal” way to think, and overthinking is just how our brains operate. Accepting the overthinker as they are is a far more supportive stance than wishing they were different.
12. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
Overthinkers are experts at imagining worst-case scenarios. This question is like pouring fuel on that fire. Our minds are masters at turning a tiny possibility into a full-blown catastrophe. Rather than feeding the fear, maybe try steering the thought process in a more neutral direction.
13. “You always do this.”
This only serves to make an overthinker feel more self-conscious and less understood. We’re already aware that we overthink, pointing it out constantly doesn’t help the situation. Sometimes, just letting us vent without judgment can be the best kind of support.
14. “You’ll be fine.”
Though meant to be reassuring, it can seem like a brush-off to someone whose anxieties feel very real. We appreciate the sentiment, but our brains don’t always listen to reason. Maybe try phrasing it as something like, “I’m here for you, let’s figure this out together.”
15. “Get over it.”
Overthinkers struggle to get over things quickly, and saying this really minimizes that struggle. Our brains like to cling to things and relive them over and over again – it’s not always easy to break that cycle. Understanding and a bit of patience goes a long way. We will get over it eventually, it just might take a while.
16. “Everyone goes through this.”
While this is technically true (and we get that), it doesn’t negate the intensity of what an overthinker experiences. Sure, everyone worries occasionally, but overthinkers live with a constant undercurrent of anxiety. Acknowledging our specific struggle, even if it’s common, can make us feel less alone.
17. “You need to get some help.”
If you say this out of nowhere, it’s going to feel less like support and more like judgment. We know when we need help, and reaching out for it is a personal decision. Sometimes, just a little understanding from others goes a long way. However, if you’re genuinely concerned, perhaps approach the topic gently and focus on offering support rather than ultimatums.
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