11 Things Your Perfect Guy Doesn’t Expect From You, So Stop Pressuring Yourself

It’s easy to think that you have to be and look a certain way to keep your guy interested in you long-term, but that’s ridiculous. If you’re doing anything other than being who you truly are and loving yourself, you’re wasting your time and hurting yourself. Your perfect guy won’t care about these things at all, so neither should you.

  1. You think you have to be happy all the time. You might think that a guy wants you to be laughing and happy all the time, but if you believe that then you’ve been watching too many rom-coms. It’s not normal to be happy all the time. He’s going to think you’re on drugs. He wants someone real.
  2. You feel the pressure to look perfect. You might think you can’t let him see you if you’re not dressed in brand names or have your makeup applied to within Kardashian standards, but he’ll appreciate being able to see you when you’re in “Netflix and chill” mode. In the same way, wouldn’t you want to see him when he’s not dressed in a suit with perfect hair? It’s like gaining access behind the curtain. It’s intriguing.
  3. You want to think like him. He doesn’t want you to be a carbon copy of himself. You have a right to have your own opinions and thoughts and should never aim to do otherwise. It’s boring to be with someone whose every thought you share. Plus, he’s going to start wondering what’s going on if you’re nodding to everything he says.
  4. You want to share his hobbies. Maybe he likes camping and you’d rather have a root canal than sleep in the great outdoors without any creature comforts. So what? Although similarities are important, they don’t have to include your every interest and hobby. Yes, his eyes light up when he talks about buying a tent and it’s kind of cute, but that doesn’t mean you should be dressing in khaki anytime soon.
  5. You should be on the same career path. You might worry that you don’t have much in common with him because he’s in the banking or insurance field, and your eyes glaze over when he talks about work. Maybe you’re more interested in your career. Hey, that keeps things interesting. You’ll have more stuff to talk about at the dinner table than if you’re in the same field. The important thing is to be open-minded enough to want to learn from each other.
  6. You must be super-independent all the time. There’s nothing wrong with being independent. Hey, it’s one of your best qualities. However, don’t try to act like you don’t need anyone just because you think that the person you date will want you to be 100%, even when you need support. The whole point of having a romantic partner is so that you can support each other. FYI, you can be vulnerable and super-strong simultaneously, you know.
  7. You must fit into clothing you wore as a sixth-grader. Honestly, you care about your body and society’s ridiculous rules pertaining to weight and body shape much more than he does. He most likely looks at your body and sees nothing but beauty, meanwhile you’re tracking things like cellulite, stretch marks, and more. It’s crazy. He doesn’t want you to look like you could fit into a sixth-grader’s clothing. In fact, it’s kind of creepy.
  8. You should love all his friends. Of course in the ideal situation you’d be best buddies with his friends. But does he actually need that in his life? No. Chances are, even he isn’t that enthusiastic about all his friends.
  9. You shouldn’t have to define the relationship. It’s easy to think that men are the ones who want to avoid defining the relationship and they expect you to do the same otherwise they’ll lose interest and bolt after calling you clingy. Ridiculous! The truth is, a man of quality who’s looking for a serious relationship will want to define the relationship. That means, he’s not going to expect you to play it cool until you’re six-months deep into a relationship and still don’t know where you stand.
  10. You should make him the center of you life. Everyone wants to feel like a priority in their partner’s eyes, but that’s different from feeling like you’re their entire life. The latter’s creepy and if he’s healthy and complete as a human being, he’s not going to expect that you’ll be at his beck and call or make him take first place every time. That would be unrealistic and unfair.
  11. You should be like his ex. She’s his ex-girlfriend for a reason! Although she obviously had some great qualities (otherwise why would he have dated her for the two years that they were together?), he doesn’t want to date someone who’s like her. So, if you hear stories about her or see pictures about her that make you go, “Damn, she’s so unlike me. Why is he with me?” just remember that he’s obviously grown since his ex-girlfriend days. You’re probably better for him than she was, otherwise he’d still be with her. He’s chosen you so relax and be yourself. Let him see the gem he’s got in his life.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.