12 Things I Refuse To Reveal About Myself On The First Date

The first date needs to be fun and natural, so I try to avoid revealing certain things about myself right off the bat to avoid overwhelming my date by getting too heavy. Here are 12 things I keep under wraps before I know the guy better.

  1. I have anxiety. I suffer from generalized anxiety and panic attacks. Sometimes when panic strikes, I just need to be alone. However, I don’t like to tell people about this before they’ve got to know me. There’s no shame in having anxiety, I just feel like it’s TMI for someone I’ve just met.
  2. My family’s a handful. Seriously, they’re loud, talk at the same time, and they feed everyone who enters the house until they can’t walk. They’re also a tad dramatic at times, so no, let’s not go there. If he asks me about my family, I like to keep it pretty generalized.
  3. I’m not sure if I want kids. I think it’s good to talk about what we’re looking for when it comes to relationships, but not so much when it comes to heavier topics like marriage and kids. I don’t want to talk about how I’m not sure if I want kids even though I guess I’m running out of time to have them. It sounds like a rant and a tad too personal.
  4. I have trust issues. I can be a tad paranoid because on some level, I expect the guy I’ve started dating to hurt me. It’s like I’m waiting for the shoe to drop until I get to know the person really well and feel I can trust him. I’d prefer to let the guy show me if he’s trustworthy or not before I get into the deep stuff. I don’t want to be labeled crazy for offloading all my baggage. He’s my date, not my psychologist!
  5. I’m cynical about love. I’ve gone through bad relationships that have made me a little cynical about love, but it’s OK because they’ve also made me a stronger person who can depend on herself and find her own happiness. I’d prefer the guy learns that about me firsthand instead of me telling him about myself too much on a first date.
  6. I have a complicated medical history. I won’t tell the guy I’ve just started dating that I suffered from bad migraines in the past or I don’t have a thyroid gland. I just think it’s TMI and a bit weird. It’s like we’re having a doctor’s appointment or something. Awkward!
  7. I can get really lonely as a single woman. I love being single sometimes. Other times, I go through some seriously lonely times where I hate being alone. However, I don’t want the guy I’ve just started dating to know about that. It can give him the wrong impression that I’m clingy or desperate. The truth is that being lonely doesn’t immediately make someone desperate, but I don’t want to have to explain all that.
  8. I have some pretty terrible exes. I might mention that my last relationship was a bit chaotic, but I won’t go into the details of what it was like to date that toxic guy or how he threatened me with violence. I just don’t think I know the guy well enough to reveal so much drama. Plus, I don’t want to turn the first date into a gossip session.
  9. My job has some odd hours. I sometimes wake up at three in the morning and get a mad urge to write. I also sometimes work on weekends or late into the night. That’s my thing and I don’t have to talk about it. He doesn’t have to know that my writing comes first. He’ll see that with his own eyes and if he can’t deal with it, he’s not worth it.
  10. I really like him. I’ve fallen into the trap of being too open about my feelings for (or attraction to) someone in the past. It can backfire, making me feel like I’ve come across as desperate. These days, I prefer to play it cool until I know the person better. It’s not about playing games but just not building up the idea of the guy in my head. Plus, I don’t want to make him think I haven’t been around an attractive straight guy in ages.
  11. I want to see him again. The first date’s gone really well and now I want to see the guy again. I’m hoping he feels the same. I refuse to tell him that I’d like to go on another date with him even if it’s in a text I send him later in the day. I want him to work for my attention, thanks.
  12. I never touch alcohol. People’s reactions when I tell them I never drink often piss me off. They either think I’m super boring or a recovering alcoholic with no in-between options. The truth is that I don’t drink because I just don’t like the taste of alcohol, but trying to explain that has usually resulted in the person looking at me as though I’ve confessed to having been abducted by aliens. I don’t have the energy for that on a first date. I’d rather inform him of my anti-booze policy if/when he invites me to the pub for drinks in the future. It feels more natural that way.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.
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