As a single woman who’s actively looking for love, I go on more dates than I care to mention. Every once in a while, someone comes along who really excites me and with whom I feel there’s actual potential. Inevitably, this guy ends up disappointing me in the end, at which point I have to take a step back, regroup, and remind myself of some very important things.
- Standards and boundaries exist for a reason. I’ve been dating for many years now, and in that time I’ve whittled down what I want, what I don’t, and what I’m willing to put up with from guys. That means that if I’m seeing someone who fails to meet my (very reasonable) standards and expectations, I don’t waste a second more of either of our time. Whenever I end up disappointed by another guy, I remind myself that I put these things in place to protect me and they’re working well.
- I’m not responsible for anyone else’s behavior. If a guy I’m talking to ends up being a liar, ghosts me, or is only interested in sex and loses interest when I don’t put out right away, that’s not on me. I’m only responsible for my own behavior in life, and if I can back myself knowing I treated the other person with kindness, respect, and courtesy, I’m good. It’s up to him to make peace with his own sh–ty behavior.
- There are lessons to be learned here. Every time a relationship (or potential relationship) doesn’t work out, I immediately think about what it can teach me. I don’t see any experience as a failure or pointless because I know everything I go through has a lesson (or multiple lessons!) to impart that I can take and grow from in the future. Sometimes the lessons aren’t immediately apparent, but they’re there if I look hard enough.
- I did the right thing by walking away. This one only applies if I’m the one who left the guy who disappointed me and he didn’t just straight-up ghost me. I can sometimes get in my own head and wonder if maybe I gave up too quickly or if I should have given him another chance, only to inevitably realize that I should always trust my gut. Walking away from a situation that isn’t serving me is always the wisest decision.
- I control the narrative. Whenever I’m on the receiving end of a guy’s disrespect, lack of consideration, or downright betrayal, I never internalize it or get down on myself about it. I’m in control of the narrative that is my love life, which means that I get to say what that experience meant (if anything) and how I’ll think of it moving forward. That makes me feel so much more powerful.
- I’m worthy of respect, consideration, and care. I don’t always need reminders of this, but it’s never a bad idea to reiterate. So often, we lose sight of ourselves while looking for love, especially when dealing with people who don’t value us the way we deserve. Anytime a situation ends badly, I just give myself a small reminder that I’m worthy of so much more than the guy who disappointed me gave me. Then I’m able to walk on with my head held high.
- There actually are good guys out there. This just wasn’t one of them. I refuse to let some bad experiences with guys ruin my overall view of men and love as a whole. I know for a fact that there are amazing guys out there and that I have every chance of finding one. I just have to keep a positive attitude and keep going.
- I can always stop dating for a while if I want. If I get to a place where I’m extremely frustrated with dating/men and I can’t cope anymore, I have the power to step away for a while. No one’s going to force me to go on a date, swipe away on apps, etc. I can take as many breaks or as long of a break as I want and that’s just fine. Knowing that it’s all in my hands is reassuring, to say the least.
- There’s no one timeline for finding love. Anytime the pressure to find someone ASAP creeps in, I remind myself that there’s no one specific age I have to have love by. It doesn’t matter if I don’t find it until I’m 45 – it’s never too late and there’s never a bad time. Being patient is really hard, of course, and I do crave companionship. However, I refuse to lower my standards just for the sake of not being alone. I want the real thing, not a poor facsimile.
- I’m above the bullsh-t. I know this whole article sounds a bit kumbaya and like I’m in a great place all the time and dating doesn’t get me down, but that’s not the case at all. I get just as pissed off as everyone else when a guy screws me over and sometimes I want nothing more than to tell him what a d–k he is and get revenge. However, that’s when it’s most important for me to remind myself that I’m above that and I should never stoop to his level. That helps me regain my sanity.
