10 Things I Remind Myself Of Every Time I’m Disappointed By Yet Another Guy

As a single woman who’s actively looking for love, I go on more dates than I care to mention. Every once in a while, someone comes along who really excites me and with whom I feel there’s actual potential. Inevitably, this guy ends up disappointing me in the end, at which point I have to take a step back, regroup, and remind myself of some very important things.

  1. Standards and boundaries exist for a reason. I’ve been dating for many years now, and in that time I’ve whittled down what I want, what I don’t, and what I’m willing to put up with from guys. That means that if I’m seeing someone who fails to meet my (very reasonable) standards and expectations, I don’t waste a second more of either of our time. Whenever I end up disappointed by another guy, I remind myself that I put these things in place to protect me and they’re working well.
  2. I’m not responsible for anyone else’s behavior. If a guy I’m talking to ends up being a liar, ghosts me, or is only interested in sex and loses interest when I don’t put out right away, that’s not on me. I’m only responsible for my own behavior in life, and if I can back myself knowing I treated the other person with kindness, respect, and courtesy, I’m good. It’s up to him to make peace with his own sh–ty behavior.
  3. There are lessons to be learned here. Every time a relationship (or potential relationship) doesn’t work out, I immediately think about what it can teach me. I don’t see any experience as a failure or pointless because I know everything I go through has a lesson (or multiple lessons!) to impart that I can take and grow from in the future. Sometimes the lessons aren’t immediately apparent, but they’re there if I look hard enough.
  4. I did the right thing by walking away. This one only applies if I’m the one who left the guy who disappointed me and he didn’t just straight-up ghost me. I can sometimes get in my own head and wonder if maybe I gave up too quickly or if I should have given him another chance, only to inevitably realize that I should always trust my gut. Walking away from a situation that isn’t serving me is always the wisest decision.
  5. I control the narrative. Whenever I’m on the receiving end of a guy’s disrespect, lack of consideration, or downright betrayal, I never internalize it or get down on myself about it. I’m in control of the narrative that is my love life, which means that I get to say what that experience meant (if anything) and how I’ll think of it moving forward. That makes me feel so much more powerful.
  6. I’m worthy of respect, consideration, and care. I don’t always need reminders of this, but it’s never a bad idea to reiterate. So often, we lose sight of ourselves while looking for love, especially when dealing with people who don’t value us the way we deserve. Anytime a situation ends badly, I just give myself a small reminder that I’m worthy of so much more than the guy who disappointed me gave me. Then I’m able to walk on with my head held high.
  7. There actually are good guys out there. This just wasn’t one of them. I refuse to let some bad experiences with guys ruin my overall view of men and love as a whole. I know for a fact that there are amazing guys out there and that I have every chance of finding one. I just have to keep a positive attitude and keep going.
  8. I can always stop dating for a while if I want. If I get to a place where I’m extremely frustrated with dating/men and I can’t cope anymore, I have the power to step away for a while. No one’s going to force me to go on a date, swipe away on apps, etc. I can take as many breaks or as long of a break as I want and that’s just fine. Knowing that it’s all in my hands is reassuring, to say the least.
  9. There’s no one timeline for finding love. Anytime the pressure to find someone ASAP creeps in, I remind myself that there’s no one specific age I have to have love by. It doesn’t matter if I don’t find it until I’m 45 – it’s never too late and there’s never a bad time. Being patient is really hard, of course, and I do crave companionship. However, I refuse to lower my standards just for the sake of not being alone. I want the real thing, not a poor facsimile.
  10. I’m above the bullsh-t. I know this whole article sounds a bit kumbaya and like I’m in a great place all the time and dating doesn’t get me down, but that’s not the case at all. I get just as pissed off as everyone else when a guy screws me over and sometimes I want nothing more than to tell him what a d–k he is and get revenge. However, that’s when it’s most important for me to remind myself that I’m above that and I should never stoop to his level. That helps me regain my sanity.


Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill